That's not a pet kitten! It's a Dalek! There's of course no way you could survive.
The entire nuclear arsenal of the United States.
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MAFIA... and other forum games
How Will This Kill Me?
My cat finds the beer I brought home unguarded, as I just jumped on teh couch to watch deadliest warriors. He drinks all 18 bottles of beer, all booze in teh fridge, the fancy liquor in the cabinets, and the beer in the cooler. HE is super drunk and pissed off. Hell, he is so drunk, he's eating the box the booze came in, hoping osme alcohol seeped into it! 
So, he hears you talking about nukes, and his drunken mind thinks you are the Commie Of North Korea. So then he rakes your face off with his claws, fillets your brain, then pisses on your corpse.
A Band-Aid.
It's really a band-aid contaminated with drug-resistant super-AIDS that accidentally got recycled back into into the product line at the factory. You use it to cover up a small cut, only to die a slow, painful, horrible death over the course of the next four years.
A Russian cosmonaut.
When old Viktor randomnameobolov and old russian cosmonaut dies aboard the mir spacestation the eject his body in a pod into space. However they didn't check which way he was ejected and he ended up heading to earth. The pod was mostly burned up on entry but his slightly charred body made it through. You sadly were standing int he wrong place at the wrong time.
SPLAT!!!!
scooby doo's tongue.
Scooby doo finds osme of Shaggy's shrooms, and snacks on a few. Then he eats all of the ones hidden around the van, and I mean all of them. $50,000 dollars worth. This really gave the already monstrous eater scooby a case of the munchies. HE saw you eating a ice-cream, so he ate the ice-cream whole. Sadly, this included your hand holding the ice-cream cone. He decided he liked hte taste of you, and ate the rest. You somehow are still alive through the digestion, even when your done going through the intestines. After you…"exit", you live a few moments in unimaginable agony as a living turd before you die.
A Kit-Kat Bar.
In between the kit-kat's delicate wafers you find solace from the burden's you face and from the enuui that your life has become. As you finish the last bite of the kit-kat bar you once again begin to lament your existence. The moment of bliss you felt ended you once again seek the chocolate covered comfort you found in the bar. You buy a packet of them and then devour kit-kat after kit-kat, with each bite their potency lessens. As you bite the last kit-kat you realise they no longer make you happy but just keep you from feeling the undue harshness of reality. With the last kit-kat still in your hand you walk to the balcony. You place the bar in you mouth and jump.
A sword
The sword, sitting on a pedestal, is the envy of your friends. It's cool samurai charm fill them with jealous rage and, inevitably, one of them tries to swipe it from you. He succeeds. When you realise it has been stolen you go after the culprit, who you immediately know has to be Phil Caleachi. But it just so happens Phil Caleachi has flown to Siberia on short notice. You, for some odd reason, follow him. Upon arriving in Siberia you realise the gravity of the situation. Finding Phil with nothing to go on but the fact that he flew to Siberia a few days ago is almost impossible. Giving up the chase, you rent out a hotel room for a few nights, not wanting to waste a plane trip to an exotic location. That night, as you hit the streets, you see a surf shop and, splurging, buy a surfboard. You walk to the cold waves of the beach and mount your board. You catch some amazing Siberian Breaks. Enjoying this sport, you decide to take up surfing when you return home and become a hip and happening surfer dude. On the days when the surf is bad, you skateboard. After many years of practice, You are sponsored by a local skate shop and eventually tour the world showing off your skateboarding skills. Flying to Miami, your plane flies through an incredible cyclone. Not being able to withstand the forces of such an event, the plane plummets to the ground and crashes. 100% death toll.
Invincibility
The fedora is actually a projection of a hyper-spatial monster. Thus when you wear this infamous, but stylish hat the monster eats your brains. Sadly you have very little and the monster goes on a roaring rampage and destroys this entire galaxy after .000000000000000000000000000000019000009 milliseconds.
an electron.
A hole in your boots causes all the air to be sucked out of your moon suit. You die of suffocation and float georgie… They all float! And then at the end of the book the clown turns out to be a big spider that's fighting a neverending war against a giant turtle that's dragging the world on his back. The tourist then continues travelling untill he reaches the end of the world, there he meets a troll made out of water. later they get picked up by a magically flying carpet kind of thing, alladin then continues his wishes until he becomes a prince and marries the beautiful princess. Later a witch makes the princess live in a tower her hair growing longer and longer until a prince comes and saves her. Shrek then turns out to be a good guy at heart and he saves the whole kingdom, soon after he makes justin timberlake come to the kingdom. Justin timberlake then dances and wears a hat.
Literary influences.
seeing as your literary influences are top shelf magazines you take the influence too far and try to become a porn director. on your first shoot wou will neglect hiring somone to mop up the jism. you slip on a puddle of jism cracking your head open on the tiled floor and while unconscious you drown in a puddle of cum.
My grandmothers false teeth.
Your grandmother unknowingly lives in the house from The Amityville Horror. One of the ghosts in the house possesses her, but her fragile heart can't take the stress, causing her to die, leaving the ghost confined to her false teeth. When you find the body the next morning, you and your family help the coroner move her to the funeral home, only to have her false teeth fall out of her mouth when they unload her onto a gurney on the way to the embalming room. Your father picks up the false teeth, only to have them bite him on the finger. Having tasted human blood, the possessed dentures go into a feeding frenzy and begins flying through the air at blinding speeds, biting people on the neck and tearing open their jugulars in huge sprays of blood. You look in horror as your father, your mother, your sister, and the funeral home workers all lie dead on the floor covered in blood, and look up just in time to see the false teeth as they fly towards your face and bite into your forehead, eating out your brain.
A one-eyed chicken.
You're sitting in a bar when you see the most gorgeous woman in you're life, who happens to have a HH cup bra size. After an hour of continuous drinking, you finally work up the courage to go up and talk to her. She's facing away from you when you walk up and say hello, and she turns around, only to have the side of her enormous breast crack you in the side of the head as she turns, hitting you directly in the temple and causing fatal brain trauma. You die instantly. :-p
Nikolas Tesla.
Posting in a thread that hasn't been posted on for over three months.
With his supreme control over electricity he would just electrocute you.
Jacl Johnsons anus.
1. Necroposting is pretty much a big no no in any forum on the internet.
2. Language like that is very much frown upon in any public place, on the internet or in real life.
I strongly recommend you don't make another mistake like this again.
2. Language like that is very much frown upon in any public place, on the internet or in real life.
Eh? someone leads a very sheltered life. I appreciate it is a bit crude but compared to much of the language even on this forum it is pretty tame. still point taken but…
I strongly recommend you don't make another mistake like this again.calm down.
As for age of the thread… again I appreciate the reasons but I was trying to breath some life into a quiet part of the forum. The thread wasn't even off the first page of the games section
re death by "Jacl Johnsons a***"
The a*** itself was not the culprit but only the gateway for an astounding new branch in the study of renewable resources! Genejoke, ever the pioneer, volunteered to hook up this very gateway to a pipeline located at the local natural gas company. Unfortunately, due to a lapse in judgment (probably from the sleep deprivation incurred by reading girlie magazines for four nights straight), he lit up a perfectly legal tobacco product at The Wrong Time.
Klabooey!!! A conflagration not seen since God's wrath during Old Testament days wiped out half the county.
It was assumed the Genejoke was immediately incinerated, but oddly enough, he was launched into deep space. Cause of death: asphyxiation.
a lovely ostrich feather
You pick the feather up off the ground at an ostrich ranch, not realizing that it belongs to one particular ostrich who's very sensitive about his appearance, and now has a bald spot due to the loss of aforementioned feather. He then sees you holding it, and in a fit of rage, kicks you in the stomach while trying to get it back from you. You're then left rolling on the ground in horrible agony from ruptured intestines until die from internal bleeding.
An empty printer ink cartridge.
Simple your printer runs out when you have worked day and night to finish a paper for uni, you are already stressed and the bloody thing will not come out.
Naturally you apply brute force, when the cartridge comes free you go flying back cartridge in hand, improbably you flip over and land with you hands over your face.
Later when you are found the empty printer cartidge is inside your cranium where it entered through your left eye socket.
Amzingly you are not dead, well not completely but there is no higher brain function. After a long time as a vegetable on a life support machine a cleaner unplugs the by mistake as she buffs the hospital floor. Your body dies soon after.
an X-men comic
You are stealing your neighbors grapes because the vine is crawling over your fence. You sit down to a snack and find that the grapes taste horrible. Your smarty pants friend tells you that those grapes were not for eating. They were for making wine. You have the brilliant idea to make your own wine with your neighbor's grapes. However, you don't use proper wine making procedures and after the aging process, a blue liquid trickles out of the barrel. Against your better judgment you drink a full glass of it in one gulp and fall over dead. It turns out that you had just made back water Windex.
Teddy Bear.
You are carrying a teddy bear for your daughter through a warzone, also with a machine gun, but you trip and the bear gets damaged. You must save it! In a flurry of panic and duct tape, you tape together some extra scrap supplies, the bears remains, trhe machine gun, and somehow a bandada gets in there. With a whirring it rises up and says a groan inducing one liner. It's alive! Freedom Bear is born! However, he identifies you as a commie and guns you down.
Chocolate Chip and Toffee Cookie.
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