IT WASN'T ME!
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Mafia XXXI: Kicking It Old School
Top drawer? I don't think I want to know.
Top Drawer Was a faction split. It didn't work to well when everyone sided with their respective types.
It was the amalgamation of horror, laughter, and innocence that made it so.
Top drawer? I don't think I want to know.
Top Drawer Was a faction split. It didn't work to well when everyone sided with their respective types.
It was the amalgamation of horror, laughter, and innocence that made it so.
And I have access to what's left of that scorched, barren wasteland!
I will leave you with this;
Hello trainers. Look at your Pokemon, now back to mine, now back at your Pokemon, now back to mine. Sadly, they aren't mine, but if you stopped using lady scented rare candies to level them and switched to training them like a man, they could battle like they're mine.
Look down, back up, where are you? You're on the S.S. Anne, with the Pokemon your Pokemon could battle like.
What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it, it's a masterball with two of that Pokemon you love.
Look again, THE POKEMON ARE NOW SHINY!
Anything is possible when you train you pokemon like a man and not a lady.
I'm on a Rapidash.
~whistle
Check back in about 20 mafia games and tell us if it worked.Then he was talking about wishing he could look through it and I myself said I wished I was a moderator so I could look at it again for laughs.Oh, is that how it works?
Hmmm, I sure would like to be obscenely wealthy.
I don't see how you have to be a moderator to go to that site.It used to be open for anyone who'd posted more then… 50 posts if memory serves me right. However, everyone were being such dicks that the admins eventually permalocked the thread and removed it from public view. As a moderator, I can now access it again.
Hello trainers. Look at your Pokemon, now back to mine, now back at your Pokemon, now back to mine. Sadly, they aren't mine, but if you stopped using lady scented rare candies to level them and switched to training them like a man, they could battle like they're mine.I aprove. So FUCKING much.
Look down, back up, where are you? You're on the S.S. Anne, with the Pokemon your Pokemon could battle like.
What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it, it's a masterball with two of that Pokemon you love.
Look again, THE POKEMON ARE NOW SHINY!
Anything is possible when you train you pokemon like a man and not a lady.
I'm on a Rapidash.
~whistle
You know… we're not that far from breaking the Crocty barrier.Oh yeah, I was the best GM ever.
… I lie. His game was whooping 48 pages.
Thank goodness that game only lasted till the end of day 3.
You know, if you ignore the two people I confirmed to be townies, and the skullfuckingly hard clues on day 2 (Though to be fair, the detective solved them all with his power anyway and dispatched the mafia quickly)
Also Top Drawer….Esh. Let's not go there.
Oh yeah, I was the best GM ever.Yeah. That detective was pretty awesome. Harkovast even suggested naming him King of Mafia. A darn shame it didn't stick as a title.
You know, if you ignore the two people I confirmed to be townies, and the skullfuckingly hard clues on day 2 (Though to be fair, the detective solved them all with his power anyway and dispatched the mafia quickly)
Incidentally. "The Crocty Barrier" is now part of the mafia dictionary. Click here for reference.
I aprove. So FUCKING much.Then you would have thrived at Top Drawer.
…that's not a compliment.
[4chan] only without the anonymity. Been and gone, my friend.*shudder* Bleh, I come to these forums when I want intelligent conversation, I go to 4chan when I want to be an unknown prick. If you remove the anonymity that defeats the purpose. I do beleive I shall avoid this "TD" with all do intentions. And before you say "Ninja's a /b/tard?" I don't waste my time with that lot and their tolling tripe, I discuss the complexity of sci-fi and fictional philosophy with my fellow Elegan/tg/entalmen.
Here it is. I've been working on it the whole time at work and I hope you like it.
Day Four: Final Narration
The entire town was out for blood. They could smell an end to their trials. They had them cornered. TheFlyingGreenMonkey and Kroatz were accused of being the godfather and remaining mafia member respectively. Rokulily was livid. "Do you know how much business I lost in the bakery I lost because of you two? The horse head was one thing, but having Crocty's body on the doorstep scared everyone but the ghosts and possessed teddy bears away. Everyone turned to Rokulily. TGFM got bold and decided to ask her a very important question. "What was Crocty's body doing on your doorstep?"
"I don't know. You tell me. I heard he was a cult or something."
Everyone ran to the scene of the crime, the front steps of the bakery. Same bent down to examine Crocty's corpse. "Yep. He is dead. I'm a doctor. I should know." He looked at the several gashes all over the body. "It looks like he was stabbed. Not poisoned, as you think Roku."
Ochi, a veteran of the War of Libyan Libyaration, eyed a bloody knife sticking out of Roku's apron pocket. "Rokulily, we have been going to the same psychiatrist since the war. Tell me, have you been taking the pills he gave you?"
Rokulily sank to her knees in tears. "In truth, I have forgotten all about them. I didn't mean to kill poor Crocty."
Kroatz pointed a finger at here. "There she admits to murdering him. We mafia only sent him over to her bakery to buy our victory cake for taking over the town. And then she kills him in cold blood and even has the murder weapon in her pocket."
Jninjashadow delicately handed the murder weapon. "Hey! This is Crocty's own knife. I remember confiscating it from him when he got too drunk the other night at Loot n' Hooch."
TFGM looked solemn and patted Rokulily on the shoulder. "There, there, Roku. Nobody blames you for using Crocty's own knife to kill him. I will take care of things, as mayor."
Rokulily sniffed. "Really?"
"Yes, I promise you that you won't linger when the noose snaps your lovely neck." The townsfolk were furious. They heavily protested that it was against the law to hang people for killing a mafia member in self defense. "Fools! I am the law! You have elected to have me as your mayor. So, you must all do as I say."
"I will never follow your puny laws, no matter how much fan art you give me!" said a proud silhouetted figure.
"The Captain Kitty, Vigilante of Townston!" exclaimed Anthony Mercer.
Harkovast nodded. "Yes. It is I. The furry pusher of Townston!" He walked up to TFGM and seized him roughly by the collar. "I just have one question for you."
TFGM gulped, "Yeah?"
"Why did you copy my comic? I already killed Salsa for it. Your bodyguard, Zeph, wouldn't read Harkovast, so I killed him too."
TFGM scowled. "Your comic stinks! Die!" He shot Harkovast in the gut at point blank. The vigilante flew backwards with smoke billowing out of his abdomen.
"Captain Kitty!" screamed the townies. Same rushed quickly to Harkovast's side. He pulled out every medical implement he had.
"Now you have done it," said Jninjashdow. "Nobody insults Harkovast."
TFGM and Kroatz quickly sprang back to back with guns drawn. "You will never take us alive!" shouted Kroatz.
Ochi had an uncharacteristic grin on her face as she patted the still sobbing Rokulily on the shoulder with one hand while cocking her gun with the other. "I seem to remember someone saying that back into Libya. Do you remember what happened to them, Roku?"
Roku came up with a murderous, wide-eyed grin. "I killed them." She pulled Crocty's bloody knife out of her pocket and waved it menacingly at the accused.
Kitty17 pulled out her standard issue pistol. "I'm sorry Mr. Mayor. I'm glad you gave me a job to supplement my income at the hat store. But, I can't just go blindly serving the mafia. This needs to end."
The rest of the townies gathered protectively around Hark and Same ready to defend them at a moment's notice with fisticuffs if they had to.
TheFlyingGreenMonkey sighed resignedly, "I was hopping it would never come to this." He made a girly growl like the youtube video he has been showing us, pushed Kroatz at the armed women, threw a smoke bomb, and disappeared.
"That's no fair! Damn you to hell TFGM!" shouted Kroatz as the defenders of Townston fell upon him.
"Let's see a pretty red smile," grinned Rokulily as she slit Kroatz's throat wide.
[spoiler]Kroatz the Mafia member is dead.[/spoiler]
"Now for TFGM," said Kitty17 turning to where the mafia mayor was once standing. "Oh no." In the spot laid the TFGM's clothes and man suit. "He broke into his cat counter parts. We will never get him now. Should we just give up?"
I Am The 1337 Master stepped forward, waved his fist in the air and shouted. "No we shall not give in. After all there is more than one way to skin a cat. Fortunately, I know this collection of cat's one true weakness."
It did not take long to set a trap at the gallows with TFGM's one true weakness, a platter of Rokulily's cookies, as the bait. The female warriors and I Am The 1337 Master waited with uncanny patcience from behind the doors of the library. Nothing could tear their eyes away from the gallows. Within the hour, a long shadow appeared stretching from the direction of the westeren outskirts of town to the gallows. "Roku's cookies!" exclaimed TFGM's voice gleefully as he pounced on the bait of the trap. The trap being a simple snare rather than an elaborate Scooby Doo trap, grabed TFGM by the ankle and lifted him up into the air.
"Yay!" cheered Kitty17. "Let's lynch him."
"Not so fast!" The ghost of Zeph materialized before the group. "Of everyone in this damn town, I hate you three the most. No matter how many times I stole the clothes of those hot models at the bakery, you kept putting them back on. With your effing monocles and mustaches and hats and, worst of all, aprons." He threw back his ghostly coat to reveal real explosives strapped all around his chest. "May have tried to kill Kroatz before, but I was using ghost grade explosives. I picked these babies up at Salsa's spaceport. I'm going to blow you and your nature hating ways sky high!" He pressed the trigger in his ghostly fist. "Now come with me into oblivion."
"RUN!"
The girls and I Am The 1337 Master were barely able to clear the blast radius before the gallows blew sky high.
[spoiler]TFGM the godfather did not escape the blast[/spoiler]
The girls nearly collapsed from the exertion of running. The gallows were gone and many of the buildings surrounding it. Ochi stared somewhat blankly at the crater. "It is finally over. I have never thought it would be."
Same came running up to the group. "Do you know how to contact Mrs. Vast?"
Kitty17 gasped in horror. "Oh no did he?"
Same hung his head. "I'm afraid…he is going to pull through. He will live to be Captain Kitty another day."
[spoiler]Harkovast the vigilante is going to pull through.[/spoiler]
The girls did not know whether to slap Same on the face or on the back. Harkovast, Jninjashadow, and Anthony Mercer came running up to join the group. Harkovast boasted proudly, "I really thought he had me there, but the paramedics in Townston are miracle workers." He burst into crocodile tears. "I won't even have a scar to show Mrs. Vast."
Everyone slapped Harkovast on the back for his survival. "Now that peace has been restored to us. For a short while. Let's celebrate!" cheered Rokulily. She clapped her hands and the bakery doors burst open spilling out supermodels dressed in monocles and mustaches and hats and, worst of all, aprons carrying platters of Rokulily's best pastries. It seemed as if the town would party all night and into the next day.
Mafia XXXI is officially over
I hope you had a great time and please remember to vote for the next GM in the election thread. Clue break down to come later.
Epilogue
And so, the story drew to a close. The celebration commenced outside with an audible cheer, but inside the backroom of the shuttered moustache boutique the atmosphere was one of stillness and wistfulness, as though within its confines everything had paused. Indeed, it had; the war was over, all objectives were complete, Crocty was dead, and nothing at all remained to propel time along its inexorable course. Dust motes spiraled aimlessly through the lurid orange light that filtered through the half-closed blinds.
Ochitsukanai at last reached out from her chair to pick up the glass bottle sparkling on the table, pouring bright red liquid into the wineglass that stood beside it. Cradling the bell of the glass in her hand, she regarded the play of light in its crimson depths with the tranquil, resigned air of someone whose mortal role has been utterly played out.
"The time has come,†she quoted, “to transcend the perils of this world." For a long moment she raised the glass high in a silent but elaborate toast, eyes intently seeking something in the empty air, before swiftly tossing the contents back and collapsing to the floor.
[spoiler]Ochitsukanai the veteran disciple succumbed to deadly Crocty venom
This was written by Ochi herself.[/spoiler]
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