Here's mine…
see if you can work it out/know it…
What's old, grey and wrinkly, and hangs out Grandpa's pants?
(If no-one gets it I'll give you the answer next time I log on)
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.
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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
Tell us your favourite riddle/joke
Heres a story my sister told me: So there's a guy driving in his car through the country and he hits a rabbit. He stops and gets out to see if he's accidently killed it, only to find that he has. This guy likes animals so he's really upset that he killed this rabbit… later this blonde lady pulls up in her car and asks, "Is everything OK? Can I help?"
the guy says "No, I don't think so. I just killed this rabbit."
"Oh!" the blonde replies, "I can help with that!"
So she gets a spray can from her car an sprays it on the rabbit. The rabbit gets up, waves its paw, hops off turns around and waves again and continues hopping off.
"What was in that can?" the guy asks
The blond shows him the can and the label says: "Hair Spray, restores life to dead hare, adds permanent wave."
I have a joke called the Pensioners Day Out.
What you do is select some random old person sounding names (I usually use Mildred, Maud, Frank and Bill) and then you tell a story about them, starting with one pensioner and adding more on as you go along. Nothing exciting is meant to happen during the story, just ramble on and on and on about them. If you do it right (try pretending you're building up to something exciting, or make it sound like you're near the end) and get a good amount of names in, you can keep going for days.
The joke is that there is no punchline and you've just wasted the listeners time by forcing him to listen to your 'joke'.
I have a joke called the Pensioners Day Out.
What you do is select some random old person sounding names (I usually use Mildred, Maud, Frank and Bill) and then you tell a story about them, starting with one pensioner and adding more on as you go along. Nothing exciting is meant to happen during the story, just ramble on and on and on about them. If you do it right (try pretending you're building up to something exciting, or make it sound like you're near the end) and get a good amount of names in, you can keep going for days.
The joke is that there is no punchline and you've just wasted the listeners time by forcing him to listen to your 'joke'.
My mom does that. But not with jokes – with stories. Real stories. Stories that probably had points when she began them but pretty soon we've taken so many detours into other stories about people in side stories to that story that we never return, and often the only ending is an interruption, like a phone call or Mom gets distracted by something. (If on the phone, I pretend I have something cooking that needs my attention, so I can hang up.)
I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)that's right.
i'm not sure if this counts as a riddle but,
there is an animal in here:
in the pan dairy butter is laid.
name the animal.
hint: read it without spaces
I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)that's right.
i'm not sure if this counts as a riddle but,
there is an animal in here:
in the pan dairy butter is laid.
name the animal.
hint: read it without spaces
Is it a panda?
Favorite Riddle:
Saint Ive's
As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?
Zeus: Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's a trick! I forgot about the man.Just that one guy, dude.
John McClane: Man? What man? Fuck the man! I got ten seconds here!
Zeus: The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!"
John McClane: So?
Zeus: So, the guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane: What are they doing?
Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the hell should I know?
yep!I'll just drink from the springs in the couch, eat the dates off the calendar, and use the keys from the piano to unlock the door and escape. ;)that's right.
i'm not sure if this counts as a riddle but,
there is an animal in here:
in the pan dairy butter is laid.
name the animal.
hint: read it without spaces
Is it a panda?
in the (panda)iry butter is laid
NiceFavorite Riddle:
Saint Ive's
As i was going to Saint Ive's I meet a man with seven wives
Each wive a seven sacks
Each Sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cat, sacks and wives,
How many were going to saint Ive's?Zeus: Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's a trick! I forgot about the man.Just that one guy, dude.
John McClane: Man? What man? Fuck the man! I got ten seconds here!
Zeus: The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!"
John McClane: So?
Zeus: So, the guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane: What are they doing?
Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the hell should I know?
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