@Sea Cow: If your parents aren't responsive, talk to a school counselor, or a teacher you trust. Talk to someone at your church (if you go to one). Call a suicide prevention hotline. Do whatever, so long as you're talking to responsible adults about how you're feeling. And if it helps to keep posting here, do so- but know that us faceless internet folks can only offer you so much. You need to seek help in the "real world" too.
My dog is dead. Fuck you month of April.
:( :( :( I'm as sorry for you as humanly possible. :( :( :(
I'm so sorry. :( I can't even think about my dog dying, it makes me horribly depressed. When my cat died several years ago it was the worst I'd felt in my life. I really sympathize.
And yeah, April is sucking really hard this year, I agree.
Why is dog dead?
From what I remember, her dog was basically just very old and not doing so great anymore. At least she had a long life and was loved. It's always hard to let a pet go though.
Ugh this work I'm trying to do today… it's such a pain… but it HAS to be done. I will probably have to spend weekend time on it too (I hope I don't have to drive out to Derby… I probably will… I hate that, so much time and petrol). I have to cobble 30 or so things from different sources and document types together into Word, and it has to look nice and stand up to being revised and not waste any space. It's already 30 pages long just with the introductory stuff and interior cover pages, I haven't even put in most of the bits.
Our cat Finnegan is not a year old yet but the beast is the size 1 year old labrador. He was from a litter from a stray alley cat in our neighborhood. The mother wasn't big at all. I wonder if his father was a mountain lion or Demon Cat of Hades coming to earth to bring for the apokolypse with his spawn!!!!
I sure hope not. He's really cool and would hate having him take over the world. He likes to bite.
You think I'm angry all the time because I keep so much of that… I dunno, "emo crap" bottled up? I'd rather make jokes, punch walls, drink beers, insult people, and smile that insane "oh no she's gonna snap any minute now" grin. Yyyyyyeah. lol!
If I can manage to fend off my killer allergies, I'm-a start inking now. I know that'll make me feel better. :)
I used to make jokes to blow off steam, but apparently making jokes at one's own expense is a sign of low self-esteem and feelings of depression. Someone should have told me I wasn't living up to my symptoms.
Overall, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with the political correctness of my generation and the world I'm in when it comes to art school. My dad used to be a college professor, so I grew up with the understanding that 90% of what you come away from a class with is a result of the effort you put in. The kids at this school seem to expect that there is going to be some definitive answer or knowledge just given to them from the professor and that they can then skip happily on their way. But I know it's not like that, especially in classes like humanities and literature classes, in which the class progressing depends heavily on the students actually taking the time to read the book and discuss it and the connections it has to the world around it. In the same breath, there seems to be this notion that everything you do is going to be cheap, well-done and fast. The idea that a project just might not be an amazing piece for any variety of reasons just doesn't seem to compute. Somehow, it's expected that nobody ever runs out of time and that people are never going to screw up and make the occasional mistake. Beyond that, being human just seems to be unacceptable and not good enough. Being irritable on a day where nothing is going right is inexcusable. You need to be polite and well-mannered at every moment. Additionally, being laid back translates into being lazy. Even if you work 16 hour days as a matter of normalcy, the fact that you don't share the same drive to garner a large pile of money or fame means you're lazy. If you're not high-strung, you're unmotivated. There is no concept of compromise. Being different means you need to be fixed, because you do not fit the mould properly. You do not fit into their life in a way that works for them.
I can understand drive, and I can understand hard work. I appreciate those things. But I just don't get how people can come to the conclusion that a teacher's only job is to tell you all the answers and that any class that such is not the case where a student has to take the project and find a way to learn something with it. It sounds absurd and incredibly dull to me that people think a teacher should just hand out answers. I thought the point of college was to prepare you for jump into the business world where people don't give you much of anything but an assignment and let you figure out the rest. I don't get how people can come to the conclusion that someone who operates differently needs to be fixed when you can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed.
tl;dr version: Artists are starting to seem to me like just as much of the close-minded pricks a lot of them claim blue collar workers and conservative republicans are.
Imma go start drinking until all this shit makes sense to me.
Spring let me down so hard. It finally came and the geese flew back and it was warm, and I thought everything would be alright. But everything is still shit, and now I can't just say it's a seasonal thing either. Which was pretty much my only hope. Now life is just shit. And I can't do the things that make me feel better because I just keep getting schoolwork and driver's assignments and stuff thrown at me. I don't know what to do anymore.
The depression's really getting to me guize. I tried to talk with my dad about it and he just waved it off as a bad excuse for my failing grades. I've been seriously considering suicide recently. Good thing I've always decided I'm too much of a pussy to follow through with it.
If you kill yourself, its just a waste of time.
All these years being alive and its all gonna be put to a waste.
You're on this planet to learn and grow spiritually.
And when you die, whatever you learned in this life would remain on your soul.
And when you come back, you'll be ready to learn new things instead of repeating what you're already suppose to have learned. Its like repeating a year of school. And graduation is the time when you no longer need a physical body.
I've considered suicide before and the only thing that stopped me was my belief that my soul will go to hell because suicide = murder.
But then I learned that there's more to this existence.
And I was sleepy as hell and kept saying "ummm…" "aaahhh…" and I really didn't give a damn.
But God knows if I'll be accepted. I'd be surprised if I'd be accepted! And I'll be happy. Cuz its a job where I got a potential to make 2 times my current salary!!!
<-.-> I hate weekends…I don't catch a break on them. My weekend:
Today (Thursday):
8p - 12a - Work (810 right now)
Friday:
945a - 1145a - Work 1p-3p - Volunteer at Woman's Shelter 3p - 430p - hear a boring presentation for extra credit 430p - 930p - go back to my hometown to have dinner with my boyfriend's family 945p-1145p - Work
Saturday:
1145a - 145p - Work 2p - 4p - Volunteer
And when everything is all done I got my homeworks to do and my housework (laundry and tidy my room). Cause Sunday night is date night.
Bugger you all! It's the weekend tomorrow. It's Friday today. YAY! Only a few more hours of work and then… WEEKEND!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It's still Thursday over here, but I have no school so it's the weekend for me too. Unfortunately my little sister and mother are both home as well, and my best friend will be out with her new gf doing god knows what so I'll be stuck with my mother. Be a fun day. Maybe I'll just go somewhere on my own.
The weekend's coming so I'm awaiting the call to work a 12 hour day because the regional supervisor is not a good contingency planner.
One of my clients took back all the pieces I was working on for him, he said I was taking too long. And you know what? I'm happy because it's one less thing I have to worry about! He'll be outsourcing the work to another miniature painter in Sri Lanka. I've been out-sourced! lol! He still wants me to do the prototype figures so the Sri Lanka painters get the colors right.
Didn't I used to do a webcomic? Hmmmm… no photographs this week, no update on the main comic… instead I'm doing model building work so I don't loose my other wargame miniature client. :)
damnit i'm so pissed at my wife right now, and she "doesn't" know why. it's like some dude just ran over your cat so you punch him in the face, and he's all like "what'd you do that for, i didnt do anything bad today"…only replace punching in the face with saying "i'm pretty pissed at you"
The depression's really getting to me guize. I tried to talk with my dad about it and he just waved it off as a bad excuse for my failing grades. I've been seriously considering suicide recently. Good thing I've always decided I'm too much of a pussy to follow through with it.
If you kill yourself, its just a waste of time.
All these years being alive and its all gonna be put to a waste.
Yeah, that's pretty much how I talked myself out of it. That, and the fact that all I'd end up ever being is a statistic for teen suicide.
I used to make jokes to blow off steam, but apparently making jokes at one's own expense is a sign of low self-esteem and feelings of depression.
I don't know if this is a cold or hayfever or what, but there is snot dribbling out of every available orifice on my face and my breathing sounds like I've been running marathons.
OK. It's almost 9am and I am ready to get to work. I gotta work my butt off today- after a whole day of work I've got to do yardwork, house cleaning, and some other weekly chore stuff. Normally I'd put those things off til Saturday but I have a feeling I am going to have to do more work over the weekend. I shouldn't complain because work is good to me. I guess if I end up working over the weekend, I can take some sly time off next week. It will still be pretty awesome at the end of the day though thinking about how much I got done.
The other day I found out I had 27 days of vacation left to use before the end of July, so I guess I should schedule some 2-week breaks. I can't afford to go anywhere but I'm sure I'll waste the time effectively at home.
there is not just one, but two giant motherfuckin spider set up in my doorway….one is in the upper right corner, the other is running perpendicular, using the door frame and the porch. these fuckers are huge, and i'm freaking out, because….i dont like spiders…not the tiny harmless grey and black ones, not the giant ass fat ones these are…i cant find my raid….
You don't need spray for a spider… Just squish them if you're that scared. ———– Aurora, thas bad… :( You were doing so well with the art work too! :) Get better soon! I command it.
I was behind on the bills and I was told that I'll be disconnected somewhere this week. Well, I managed to get the money on the weekend and was ready to rush and pay it early monday and then show them the paid bills at their office. Which I did… EXCEPT, they turned off the net a bit earlier, Sunday 11pm exactly :P
Well, nevermind that, I paid, showed the bills, htey noted it's paid and told me I'll be back online "somewhere today" (as in monday). Guess what, I wasn't. Took me THREE MORE VISITS to finally get them to tell me that I had ONE MORE unpaid bill, then I had to borrow some extra cash for that, pay, go AGAIN show it to them and FINALLY I got internet back. Yay.
quoting past thread posts (interestingly, both by Hyena)
I'm starting to get a huge fear of aging now. I don't like the changes my parents, me, or my animals are going through, i'm usually welcoming of change but this just frightens the fuck out of me.
Dude. Yeah. My body's started doing all sorts of weird things since I crossed the quarter-century mark. I'm not lookin' forward to seein' what kind of mess I make of myself in the next 25. Also: Thinking about the mortality of your pets and parents is like, the most depressing/ terrifying thing in the world. :(
I lost my dad when I was 9 and my mom when I was 19. I'll be 29 in couple of months and I'm paranoid someone else will die this year. :(
This is probably why I'm so obsessed in my work with death, loss, change, cycle of life etc. Also this is why I couldn't write any superheroes, which are about an illusion of change while no actual changes really happen (and if they do, they're always temporary).
Anyway, body. I find it more and more difficult to return to my previous weight. I'm afraid I might have to do some drastic starvation diet or somesuch. :/
Also, I've noticed a couple grey hair appearing over the last few years. While I'm not happy about that, it's always better than getting bald. See, I noticed this strange occurence in my family. Everyone either gets grey OR bald at a fairly young age (somewhere in their thirties). My dad was grey since I could remember. My uncle? Had dark hair until about 60, but started balding somewhere in his 30s so he looked a bit like a monk, heh. My brother? Entered his 40s recently and yep, lots of strong hair but he'll be totally grey in the next five years if it keeps going on like that.
So I'm hoping this means I get to keep my hair until I'm very old :D
RE: Maniacal hobbies: I'm the same way. I tend to fixate on one thing, and devote all my time and energy to it. Even if I'm just making, like, one print- I'll spend weeks looking at resource material and reading books, articles, scholarly papers… I'm unfortunately gonna have to do months of that kinda crap for "My Next Big Comic!", but hopefully I'll be back in New Orleans by then, and have access to all the huge Uni libraries there. :D
I used to, these days I tend to drift between things. Mu attention span holds up usually for about a week (reason why I never play rpg/rts games, I always dump them unfinished after my interest passes). It's a bit different if I get into a "working zone", for example when drawing. I can draw and draw and draw as long as I draw daily and finish more than two pages. If I fall out of the creative loop, I get very spotty with my work pattern and often need to take a month of break before I can motivate myself to work again.
I do fixate on creating in general, at least as far as talking about it goes :D
I can't shut up about scripting,drawing etc.
Speaking of which (see?): I haven't done much these last few days. Read a mountain of paper comics, but inbetween I managed to squeeze couple of pages of script and I finally completed all the cover/internal design bits I needed to print my first book :D And I'm at 72 pages of script for the second one PLUS managed to expand plot outlines for three other projects (designed as 52-page color oneshot thingies). What fun! :D
Why do so many people consider Wizards to be Ralph Bakshi's best work? It's terrible. It's always been awful and always will be awful in every aspect. It's even worse than I remember it being. Why are people so fucking stupid?
Edit: Actually, now that I look at them again, all of his films are shit. None of them are the same quality of diarrhoea that Wizards is though.
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