Just got back from class.
Imshard:
awsome. Just awsome.
15 points for it all. Just love it. You should be a witer.
Total Points 65
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The Pizza/Taco war.
Meh fine I'll put something together.
I'm gona mod it a bit ;)
I lead a cheese squadron (Neutrals who want the fighting to stop) on the other side of the town. We take up residence inside a house and bunker down for a little while. I'm an extremist and preach to them that the only way the fighting will stop is if we make it stop. I rally them into a frenzy and they take up there cheese throwing weapons. We go out to the street and use our hands to dig small pits and fill it with searing hot cheese. After we litter the dirt road with these concealed traps we divide up and put half our men on the tops of roofs on one side of the street and the other half on the other. We wait for an hour when finally a taco squad comes down the street. We get into position to attack when a pizza battalion turns the corner on the other side of the street. They both seem to size each other up for a few minutes then the guy next to me says "neither side has any ammo." The pizza battalion yells to the taco squad "well then it looks like a good old street rumble." for a minute nothing happens then both sides violently charge at one another. They make it a few meters when both sides start hitting our traps. Troops fall in and begin a blood curdling scream. They come out of the holes as fast as they can but it isnt fast enough. The cheese is so hot that there flesh was falling off and bones where exposed. Each side lost 10 units. The units that did not fall in did not notice there falling comrades and continued to charge till they met with the opposing side. Yells of battle ensued the area as fist met face and foot met groin. The where in a tight circle and did not even notice when I stood up and yelled attack. My men each stood up and let cheese ooze from there weapons. The sticky goo fell down upon them and did the same as it did to there comrades who had succumbed to the pit. Some ran around screaming and even fell into the pits. I had the guy next to me film it to sell on eBay.
As the President of the Taconian Republic, I decide that it is time for us to utilize our nuclear capabilities. After years of pain and suffering, torture, hatred and death, the entire Pizzonus Empire is brought to it's knees in one decisive strike.
Unfortunately, the United Foodstuffs condemns my actions, and I am brought on trial as a war criminal. However, I manage to escape to a hidden bunker somewhere deep withing the jungles of the Buffetan continent. I never resurface, and the Taconian Republic elects a new President. It is assumed by most of the world that I died of old age, my shell becoming stale, my cheese and meat rotting, and my lettuce wilting. It is impossible to really know my fate, as my body was never found.
I'll rate it.
+10 for killing a general.
0 for not having any men.
+10 for own seperate story.
+10 for bringing in someone tottally unrelated
Total: 30
Thats nice and all but in the end this is rage's thread. What you rate won't stand in the score book.
Zero is not someone tottally unrelated. This thread came from the Pizza/Taco guys. I don't mind you guys rating my storys.
Lord Shplane:
Nice to see you here.
10 points for awsome title's(see I spelled it right)
0 points for having any men…
0 points cause you didn't follow my rules on an inbattle thing. VGman had a battle in his. Your is more polictal… I'll give you 5 points for bring that up.
Total points: 15
Lord Shplane:
Nice to see you here.
10 points for awsome title's(see I spelled it right)
0 points for having any men…
0 points cause you didn't follow my rules on an inbattle thing. VGman had a battle in his. Your is more polictal… I'll give you 5 points for bring that up.
Total points: 15
I was really just joking more than anything. I half expected you to just say "Lol, 0 points kthxbi." lol!
Well that was fun (even if I didn't raise points for selling the vid on eBay :( )and I got nothing better to do so….
After the victory we descend on the fallen troops and take what rations we can find. As previously stated they had no ammunition so we couldnt salvage anything more than food we found papers on the taco generals body stating where a nearby weapons cash is. I knew it would be heavily guarded but without any ammunition we would surly have our legs cut off before we even stand up in this war. We come up on the weapons cash and sure enough there are two taco troopers standing guard outside it. I had our mechanics specialist create a makeshift grenade out of most of our remaining ammo. I look at him and say "give it here" he looks at me uneasily and says "well ok but its not what you expect" I give him a strange look and say "what the hell do you mean its not what-" I break off in mid-sentence as he passes me the grenade. I look around at my men, some of them have stupid grins on there faces. I whisper loudly, “Who the hell painted it like and egg!!!!" the mechanical specialist tries not to look me in the eyes when he says "Jenkins did it" I look at Jenkins and say “if this dosent work and we die, the devil won't be able to do shit to you after im done." I pull the pin and throw the painted grenade over to the to taco troopers standing guard. One of them sees it land and picks up the odd egg. "hey Joe what do you make of this?" the second taco trooper comes over and looks at the weird egg. "What the hell? Someone is throwing eggs at u-" he breaks off as the egg erupts and frozen cheese erupts from the grenade piercing there bodies in countless locations like little daggers. They fall to the ground as we come out of hiding and drag there bodies inside to the weapons cash. We stuff the two of them in the corner and take all the ammunition we can carry. While browsing through a list of weapons I find a piece of intelligence that states that a few taco renegades are planning to join the pizza forces and that the tacos are planning to ambush them. I tell ever one to pack up and head out.
On a side not completely unrelated to a story
If a new FPS game comes out that has food based warriors im really going to go shoot someone.
This is going to be risky I thought to myself. The thickly wooded area was deadly quiet. My 25 Men-at-arms stood ready in their positions. Then we heard it. The shelling had started. The sound of Pepperoni artillery rounds screaming through the air and impacting the ground came from far away. The roar of rocket engines answered as the Tacos retaliated with Burrito Scuds. The Taco city of Chipolte was under siege. We had come behind enemy lines, far behind them in fact. Our history and success as guerrilla commandos on the frontier had gotten us picked for this mission. The sounds of battle continued sounding strangely distorted with the distance. Our ears were focused on another new sound though. Supply trucks. The Scud defenses couldn't hold us back long if they were not resupplied.
Thus we lay on either side of the road waiting for the enemy to come with fresh fuel and components for the Scud factories in the city. The timing was perfect. The first truck thundered past my position. A moment later it exploded as it was crunched between the pincers of a swinging tree trap. It couldn't have been rehearsed better. The trucks behind it crashed into a pile up. The road was officially blocked, it would be hours before anybody could clear it. The still growing wreck still blew up periodically as fuel tankers were pierced or heated dangerously by the open flames of wrecks. This blew flaming debris back onto the convoy. Tree traps continued sweeping up Tacodieros, and crushing vehicles. The rest of the trucks had finally stopped. The escorting "crispy shell" APCs stopped as well and opened their hatches to let out troops. They may as well have painted a target. The PizzaTeer gunners knew what to do. The Disc launchers pumped blades into the unshielded interiors. They blew beautifully. The snipers started picking of the drivers fleeing their vehicles and the troops trying to jump out of their motorized transports.
Then the roar of rockets was heard. The scuds landed everywhere. Lacking coordinates the city defenses had responded to the radioed support request by deciding to shell the general area. I ordered a retreat. Pizzateer and tacodieros alike are engulfed in the blasts. Hours later I look over the survivors of my command. 9 men remained of my original 25. We had 68 confirmed kills, some of the Tacodieros had escaped though. That was to be expected, this was supposed to be a suicide mission after all. Yet the Enemy's main supply road was now destroyed as well as blocked. An outstanding success I tried to tell myself. It was a wonder that we had survived at all. That didn't comfort me at all as I looked at Jenson's spattered remains on my uniform. We heard the sound of retreating Taco troops evacuating through the woods. We evaded them and made our way back to friendly lines. Upon emerging from the treeline we saw Pizzamen entering the city unchallenged. We reported to command and were given the rest of the week off for leave. What a treat.
With two bases, one half destroyed all-be-it, and the intel we needed all under our belts we decided it was time to move out.
Jens and I would each lead a separate platoon into the belly of the beast. This wasn't because I thought he was the best man for it. He had volunteered. The kid grew a lot of beans since his last mission, I'll give him that. Lettuce and Tomato were with me. They were the two guys that had made a wonderful little distraction before hand. I always thought they had a thing for each other but don't ask don't tell right?
Before we left we stoked up on ammo and weaponry at the supply depot. We left the SCUD behind this time around though. Quarters were too close. If we used it we risked taking out some of our own men. Not this time.
We left five of the twenty-five men to guard the two bases. For the most part they were there to radio us if any thing went wrong and then get the hell outta there.
Just as we headed out my com cut on and the Commadant's face appeared. "Yes Commadant Shell?" I ask into it as the response was broken. "St… do… base is… infor…" I couldn't make sense of it. The closest I got was "Stop" and "Base is". What was the base? I had to find out so we continued on.
As we searched through the jungle for the Pizza Nazi's secret lair we knew it would be a difficult mission. The lair was hidden and was where they analyzed data and research. If we were to win this war we would need that information. We crept slowly through the brush with Jens' platoon working their way around the right coordinates. Suddenly we spotted a small swell of Pizza's. Four to be exact. I motioned for Tom and Let to take the fold and with my one swift motion the two of them launched an all out assault of the four unsuspecting Pizza Boi's. To keep it quiet they beat them to death with their own pepperoni blasters and then took them for back up ammo. They nodded and the rest of the platoon followed. As we approached the front entrance We noticed all of the guards had already been taken out. We were monetarily puzzled as we soon found out the reason. Jens was standing at the entrance with his platoon resting behind.
Jens: "Found a short cut."
Me: "And you don't wait for backup?"
Jens: "Figured we had it."
This pissed me off a little bit but I couldn't deny his lust for the battle. Too close to my own heart. As I spoke all members of both platoons stood at attention.
"Okay we'll rush in from here as one unit, Jens here will take over as company guide and…" I began as Tom interrupted me. "Excuse me sir…" I looked to his a bit angry with disgust. "Yes Private? Is there something so important that your superior officer had to be interrupted?" I asked as he replied, "Aye Aye sir." I liked his honesty. "Sir if we split back into two platoons and attack from both sides we can catch 'em off guard. The pepperoni faces will never know what creamed 'em." He said as I considered his proposal and nodded.
Me: "Fine we go with Tom's plan. We launch the full assault in ten so make sure you're prepped. And say your last words… this one could get saucy."
Imshard:
That was awsome!!!
10 points for doing suicide mission.
4 points cause you lost 16 men.
10 points for killing 68 Tacodieros
Total points 89.
—————————————————————————————
Shingen:
10 points fot supence. love it.
10 points for no lost men.
5 points for tom's plan.
Total points: 85
—————————————————————————————
Now it's time to change the mission.
Your mission: To sneak into an emeny base and get info.
Pizza Base: Hevally aromred but has fewer men on petrool.
Taco base: Lightlly aromred but has more men pretrooling it.
killing is not allowed in this one, killing might get your ass capcher.
(Note: These are people… not food things…but if thats who you see them, Thats fine by me)
Good luck!
I'm sneaking around the base, scoping everything out, when suddenly one guy spots me. He's too stupid to call for back-up, so I knock him out and hide the body, MGS style. I enter the base and go to the first room i see. along the way, there is a guy looking the other way. I knock him out too, and drag him to the shadows. the room is obviously an intelligence room. How obvious, you ask? It says intelligence room in big bold letters, crossed out, but not well enough. The words "intelligence room" were replaced by the words "Boiler Room". I open the door, knock out the guy inside, grab all the intelligence I can hold (which is all of it, I was smart enough to bring a large duffle bag) and sneak out of the base without a hitch.
Bravo company was no more. High command had taken notice of them and made other plans for the 9 survivors of the fated Bravo unit. The Heroes of the Chipolte Siege had not died martyrs like they were supposed to. They had been reorganized into an independent ARC squad. Ever since they had had a perfect service record of not dying while performing insanely dangerous missions. And now this, another ridiculous mission. The PizzaGeras were being sent to capture Intel from a base. No backup, heavy equipment, or death allowed. In and out silently the briefing had said. Great.
The commandos were on the ridge above the base. It was lightly armored, little more than a fence and a solitary guard tower. In truth it was just a permanent roadblock and resupply depot. The buildings consisted of a garage, a small warehouse, a fueling station, and the barracks. That was were the problem lay. The barracks housed extra guests right now. A visiting general and his escorts. They were carrying something valuable. As they observed the PizzaGeras noticed one of the supply trucks was sequestered under a shelter and featured guards where none of the others did.
Interesting. Whatever was going on the upper echelons wanted to know what it was.
That night they moved. The visitors had only just arrived earlier that day and were departing tomorrow as soon the Taco mechanics finished maintenance on the vehicles.
The spotlight passed over the spot in the fence. Two men dashed up to it and sliced the chain link apart along a post. They peeled it back and the others silently whisked past. The two then stapled the fence back into place and melted back into the forest.
When the traveling spotlight passed over the spot again nothing was amiss to give away what has just happened there. The wraith-like Pizza soldiers melted through the darkness. The Tacodiero guard shifted his weapon uncomfortably at his post. He stood in front of the barracks doors that lead to the officers quarters. He didn't the shadow slipping through the window behind him. Near the front gate a farm truck rolled up suddenly. An angry looking yokel spilled out yammering in the local back-hill language. The Taco patrolmen and guards gathered around curiously. The bored motor pool guards didn't leave their posts but watched uneasily. The farmer stormed around the truck to the passenger side and had a clearly pregnant girl get out. An uneasy chuckle emerged form some of the men. the two peasant folk yammered at each other for a moment before the girl pointed to one of the leering soldiers. The poor man's face paled, as the old man approached him and yammered a little quicker and louder at him through the closed gate. The other Tacodieros laughed at their comrade's plight in earnest now. The burly would-be father protested in vain that he had never seen the girl before.
The Taco guards around the truck eased their grip on their grenade launchers, and laughed lightly. Despite the bright lighting of the area they didn't see the masked men bolt from the shadows and leap into the truck they were supposed to be guarding.
Eventually the guards ceased to be amused by the old farmer's incomprehensible ranting. They returned to their posts and ordered the man to go away at gunpoint.
The next morning the visiting convoy left without incident. There was some small commotion as the base commander disciplined one of the night guards about being too friendly with the locals but the general did not care about that. At least he had gotten to sleep on a real bed last night he mused to himself as they departed. Several miles down the road nobody noticed when two black shapes detached themselves from the main trucks undercarriage and rolled easily into the woods. The cargo in their hands.
A farm truck with a man and woman came along some time later and picked them up. A pillow and masks were in the back.
Two days later the Pizza scientists had concluded that the captured cargo was the Taco's dastardly new prototype meat seasoning. At the same time the Taco general had to explain how both it and the papers in his briefcase that included a codebook had disappeared.
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