Oh man, this gets funnier by the second :)
It's quite an old British joke actually…
They even did a routine about people not getting it in the radio version of the League of Gentlemen (British black comedy sketch series/troupe), it's part of the whole motivation for one of the characters.
Ah well, I can't top that one. Pixie doesn't get a cookie. She gets biscuits instead ^__^
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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
Tell us your favourite riddle/joke
I still don't get it. Is it an Aussie thing? The best I can come up with is:
Two Nuns in a bath.
One says "Wears the soap?"
The other replies "It does."
But that doesn't make any sense either.
That's what I got too, but I too thought that didn't make sense. The reply doesn't seem to fit. Meh, it'll proably be some weird language loophole.
Hahaha, no, the language is easy, it's a thought thing… You have to be thinking a certain way. ;)
It's like that mad cow joke:
One cow says to another:
"you heard about that mad cow disease going 'round"
"I wouldn't know, I'm a tractor."
Now that's funny on one level, if you think that the other cow has mad cow disease and thinks he's a tractor, I find it even funnier to think it's just the first cow thinking it's talking to another cow, when it fact it really IS a tractor and it thinks the tractor answers back; i.e. it has mad cow disease! lol!
Maybe that's too surreal, but the second interpretation was the one I first got when I heard the joke. :)
…
Anyway, more Jokes/riddles!
Ok. . . five men are travelling down a road when it begins to rain, four of the men walk faster and get soaked, but the fifth remains travelling at the same pace and remains dry. None of have a hat or umbrella, and none are inside a car. How did he stay dry?
Two friends (John and Jane) are playing near the woods, John runs into the woods and tells Jane he went halfway. Jane then runs into the woods and tells John she travelled through three quarters of the woods. John says that this is impossible. Why?
This next joke is one of my favourites, but it's quite offensive, so I'm spoiler texting it.
[spoiler]What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies? I don't have wet dreams about Cadillacs.[/spoiler]
I warned you.
I came up with one, but it's kinda really easy, imo…
You throw away the outside and cook the inside.
Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside.
What is it?
As for Ozone's dirty nuns… This might help the head scratchers.
[spoiler](From Dictionary.com)
Look at Definition #6!
1. to carry or have on the body or about the person as a covering, equipment, ornament, or the like: to wear a coat; to wear a saber; to wear a disguise.
2. to have or use on the person habitually: to wear a wig.
3. to bear or have in one's aspect or appearance: to wear a smile; to wear an air of triumph.
4. to cause (garments, linens, etc.) to deteriorate or change by wear: Hard use has worn these gloves.
5. to impair, deteriorate, or consume gradually by use or any continued process: Long illness had worn the bloom from her cheeks.
6. to waste or diminish gradually by rubbing, scraping, washing, etc.: The waves have worn these rocks.
7. to make (a hole, channel, way, etc.) by such action.
8. to bring about or cause a specified condition in (a person or thing) by use, deterioration, or gradual change: to wear clothes to rags; to wear a person to a shadow.
9. to weary; fatigue; exhaust: Toil and care soon wear the spirit.
10. to pass (time) gradually or tediously (usually fol. by away or out): We wore the afternoon away in arguing.
11. Nautical. to bring (a vessel) on another tack by turning until the wind is on the stern.
12. British Dialect. to gather and herd (sheep or cattle) to a pen or pasture.[/spoiler]
Two friends (John and Jane) are playing near the woods, John runs into the woods and tells Jane he went halfway. Jane then runs into the woods and tells John she travelled through three quarters of the woods. John says that this is impossible. Why?
Because John should have seen her pass. It's probably not the answer, but it's the most obvious one, so I figured I'd throw it out there.
A joke:
A drunken man stumbles onto a carnival and finds the shooting stand. He tels the carnie he wants to shoot for a prize, but the carnie can see the guy isobviously drunk, so at first he tells him to bug off. The drunk keeps insiting he's not drunk, an that he can hit any target, no matter what.
Finally the carnie budges, and gives the drunk of of the guns. The drunk aims, fires, and hits the bull's eye spot on. He receives his prize, a turtle, and departs, only to return about ten minutes later, even more drunk.
Again he asks for a gun, and after some persuading the carnie allows him to shoot again. Again, the drunk hits the bull's eye and sae as before, he receives a turtle as his prize. He leaves again, but then, about fifteen minutes later, he returns and asks for a gun again. The carnie doesn't even argue anymore and hands the drunk a gun, who hits the bull once again. Het gets another turtle, and he leaves again.
But ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, demanding one more shot. The carnie lets him have his way, the drunk shoots, and again he full-on hits the target.
The carnie reaches for the turtles, but notices he ran out, so he takes a teedybear and hands it to the drunk.
The drunk examines the bear for a second, then turns to the carnie and asks: "Ain't you got anymore of them cream-filled cookies?"
I only know one joke by heart and it's not funny….I don't even think it makes that much sense…..but I'll post it anyway.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buckanear.
Hardy har har! lol! Sounds like something you'd read on one of those popsicle sticks.
So….how IS a raven like a writing desk? Or has that been addressed already?
For the woods one: it's impossible to walk into a woods more than halfway, because once you're halfway into the woods then you're walking out.
Also, seriously, that nun one is way too much of a stretch. You really, really have to be looking for something dirty in it to find any humor in it; the second one works even if you're casually dirty-minded.
Here's one I made
You run a stick across a surface but it doesn't make a noise. How is this possible (and this is a sharpened stick, so it will make a noise on most surfaces)
That's not a riddle. That some kind of wierd zen question you made up, and it's a lame one at that. I know lame jokes I'm full of them. Here's one:
What's the most famous fish in the sea?
A starfish.
Here's one I made
You run a stick across a surface but it doesn't make a noise. How is this possible (and this is a sharpened stick, so it will make a noise on most surfaces)
First, you take in consideration that the stick is indeed poited. Then, you take a look at the surface, which isn't given. From this, I deduct that stick is beng moved across a surface that is hovering in outer space, since there is no sound in outer space. Even if this isn't the answer, it should be. How's that for a pointed stick!
Here's one I made
You run a stick across a surface but it doesn't make a noise. How is this possible (and this is a sharpened stick, so it will make a noise on most surfaces)
First, you take in consideration that the stick is indeed poited. Then, you take a look at the surface, which isn't given. From this, I deduct that stick is beng moved across a surface that is hovering in outer space, since there is no sound in outer space. Even if this isn't the answer, it should be. How's that for a pointed stick!
So true.
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