And Kawaii, it took me so much longer to learn the lessons you listed. Good on you.
Especially in the US, success has so become defined in money terms. Understandable, since it's required to do the fun stuff, like travel and attending events, let alone shelter and food.
But I started questioning the definition of prostitution at my last job when I was so unhappy and realized I was there only for the money. I stayed way too long.
Some of us let ourselves be jailed by a job. It's no way to live a life.
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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
Happy 2019! General discussion thread
ayesinback wrote:Congratulations! Best of luck! Have you managed to get out of Jersey?ozoneocean wrote:
What would your dream job be?
Maybe a docent at a small museum.
But another goal seems to be happening: finding a house within walking distance of a small town center.
Please wish us luck!
Even something as natural to me as museum guide could get tiring. How many times could I retell the same stories? My sister went crazy over NJ Revolutionary War history after watching 1776 so I volunteered to be the personal tour guide of all the sites in NJ.
So ayes, it sounds like you found a great location close to a town center and you're going to build a custom house! That is very exciting and probably worh it if you get to pick out your cabinets.
A dream job for me would be to set up an advice stand like the one Lucy has in the Peanuts comics. For 25 cents, I would give honest advice for anyone who can find my advice stand.
Oz, I agree, having a job that is home based, where you must be at home at certain hours is like being chained to your computer (unless you can complete all your work on a laptop, which means you post thise first person leg shots in front of the beach and pool with a hashtag that says #worklife).
Ayes, I had a job that definitely felt like prostitution/whoring out because I was being screwed over by both ends. Of course, those jobs help me appreciate all my future jobs.
Right now, a perfect day would be watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and drawing at my desk. No texts, no phone calls, and no wake-up alarms before noon.
kawaiidaigakusei wrote:
A dream job for me would be to set up an advice stand like the one Lucy has in the Peanuts comics. For 25 cents, I would give honest advice for anyone who can find my advice stand.
My therapist went into psychology because of that and uses Lucy's stand as his logo. It was his dream and he's living it. 😀
ozoneocean wrote:
What would your dream job be?
What I do now but year round with some kind of security and benefits (like retirement and basic health insurance; that would be amazing).
@Usedbooks, that's fantastic: 'What I do now, but more.' Lovely!
So, we didn't nail down the "renovation" insurance today as planned. Any little hiccup makes me get a bit twitchy. And did you know it costs significantly more to insure a gut job than a house with belongings? Now you do. :)
@usedbooks, I feel that warmer climates have jobs that can be year round. Yosemite has great summer programs, but they have bears. A teacher once told me about the coolworks.com website, a place to find jobs in the coolest places. A lot of the locations are at National Parks.
@kawaii: It's the budget, not the climate. Urban recreation areas with year round visitation hire seasonally too. Permanent and term positions are very scarce. I know because I apply to every single one of them. (They are all posted at USAJobs.gov ) Also, NPS gives preference to veterans, so the more desired posts/positions sometimes aren't even open to non-veterans (or are open, but none of the non-veteran applicants are considered).
However, my latest position brought me to a city where I've always wanted to live, and it contains several museums and a zoo, so I'm watching for similar work there. I haven't had much luck with the private sector, but I can hope.
(People ask me how I got such a cool job. Literally, it's the only place that will hire me. – My job-hunting efforts cast wide and varied nets.)
usedbooks wrote:Gotta sign up for active duty…
Also, NPS gives preference to veterans, so the more desired posts/positions sometimes aren't even open to non-veterans
A LOT of DDers have done that. Jillyfoo for one, she joined the navy because she couldn't find other work :(
Such a strange situation for an Aussie to consider. The proportion of people who've served in the armed forces here is much, much lower. So much that you'd never know who was a veteran and who wasn't/
I'm too old to join the military. Although it really never interested me. They tried to recruit me into research divisions out of college.
Many of my coworkers are veterans.
I briefly considered the Peace Corps. My dad joined because he couldn't get into the military (his migraines were so severe they disqualified him). But alas, I am a coward. Just noped right out of that idea.
Wow, it really is like the Roman Empire… A nation of soldiers that exalts the military. No judgement on that, it's just a curious observation from a person from a very different culture.
I hope you get a permanent job UB!
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I can't wait to get away to Greece… I hope the fires aren't an issue then.
Help me out here someone… Please.
Am I an arsehole?
I'll put this into perspective:
So many girls I know, their lives are FULL of bloody unremitting tragedy. They're in a constant process of "healing" etc.
And then you discover the mundane, boring stuff at the root of these issues… They got rained on, had an unsatisfying sexual experience with their BF when they were 16, a family friend got ill etc.
If I were to take all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that life throws at me to heart and really dwell on them I'd be a ****ing mess, as would all people. Bad stuff happens to US ALL constantly but we don't make that the central narrative of the story of our lives because we're adults rather than 6 year old kids who are heartbroken when they realise that Santa isn't real, Elvis, John Wayne, and John Lennon are dead and there's no tooth fairy.
Life is not a constant string of rainbows and yellow brick roads, stop aiming your expectations that high. People who act like it is are only acting. Deal with life's disappointments one step at a time and realise that both you and they are normal. You aren't cursed, you are not the unlucky one while everyone else is living charmed, perfect privileged lives.
For most people no matter how much you plan, most things only work out ok 50% of the time, or maybe only 20% or even less, and things only work out AMAZING and FANTASTIC about 0.0000001% of the time…
and yet these sad sacks plan all their lives around the expectation that the 0.0000001% perfect result should be the norm, so they're constantly disappointed and failing…
————–
OK, rant over.
Does that make me an arsehole?
No. People who hold on to past trauma and use that to define their lives are probably suffering from clinical depression. As one therapist said " life is not all warm fuzzy happy sunshine bunnies." It's unrealistic to expect that. This can be the sign of an chronic illness that can range from something akin to diabetes or congenital heart failure to bit of flu that just won't let you go.
Sometimes things happen that just won't let you go. Other times there's biology. It's been with humans forever. It used to be called melancholy. It runs in my family going back generations.
It's like drowning. Sometimes you can manage to remain above water and even start swimming again. Other times the hopelessness gets to you and you need a helping hand and sometimes you need a lifeguard. And there are flotation aids available. Support systems, coping strategies. Good ones and bad ones. Therapy is a good one, alcohol is a bad one. (Or any other compulsive or addictive behavior) It's an illness not a weakness.
Hi, I'm Steve and I have biologically based major depression and anxiety. And I like to take a step back to appreciate the incompetence of humans and the utter ridiculous nature of existence. Laughter is really the best medicine. A great coping strategy is comedy and developing a keen sense of irony.
Victim narrative still requires therapy and is still depression so the person does accept and move past their trauma.
You need to acknowledg their illness and worked towards a solution but instead you might be becoming part of the problem.
It's not clinical depression – oh just get over it. A mental health professional would say that's a damaging person to have in your life. They should distance themselves from you and find other means of support.
Sorry but its absolutely true and part of the pathology. Stinks but there it is.
And yes, I have spent years and years seeing this and helping people deal with it. I even distance myself so that I don't damage others. (Among other reasons) I've even used "i" statements to indicate that I just couldn't deal with someone else's narrative and need time to myself. It's okay to say that. It's not okay to say "get over it, done." Not until they're ready. Stinks but there it is. Something light and fun like a good comedy where you just laugh and forget. And they have to travel to acceptance just like the states of grief. Useful tool. May not be completely correct but it's a tool.
There's a whole toolbox for stuff like this and many just don't know the skills or are aware of the tools for this.
Well, you can be an arsehole and still be right ;)
Here's something I've wondered…
Is this largely a first world problem? We humans (and all living creatures) are supposed to struggle to make it in life. Surviving predators, finding mates, even having a meal the next day… none of these are givens in raw nature…
And now that so many of us have it so easy (relative to how our primitive minds, attuned to raw nature, think it should be), I wonder if our primitive minds can't function without something to strive against, and so we sorta make modern problems, barriers, things to we struggle, much bigger than they really are to compensate…
Not that that doesn't make it real! We're not gonna shift to a primitive subsinstence (well, it could happen, and when it does, little problems tend to disappear…). But we live in the worlds we're in, and we deal with the issues we have, and they have very real consequences. Most of us are not gonna have an 'AHA!' moment and realize how trivial some of the problems really are (or at least, we can't all the time…)
Thank God for Comedy, as Bravo said. I've had absolutely devastating moments in life, and sometimes a laugh is all that can get you through! But now, during moments of clarity, I realize even in those devastating moments, I've never really worried about food, shelter… And I just nod, smile, and move on… Mostly (if only I was a well-adjusted as I think I am haha)
A lot of times there are cultural issues Bravo. People are taught that they are victims.
The media and social media and the internet shows us everyone having great lives and getting great opportunities and we think "why don't I have that?". We don't see that those people are just as messed up as the rest of us and all the hard times they went through to reach those successes are hidden from view.
—————————-
@Kim-
I was thinking on this myself.
Humans are evolved for intelligence, nothing else. All our physical abilities we're so proud off in sports etc are a complete joke in the animal world.
Even a mouse or a squirrel, if they were as big as a human, would obliterate our most powerful athletes in every category. Our closest relatives in the primate world are all morons but they are WAY stronger and more powerful than us.
Humans are creatures with disproportionately big round massive bobble-heads with huge faces (compared to other animals). Brains and social communication are what made our species, so it's probably a natural consequence that there's a downside to being so intelligent and social: We get REALLY lonely, we influence each other to do STUPID things (school shootings etc), and we're so smart that we reason ourselves out of existence and commit suicide.
Our brains are complex so our brain issues are complex too and depression is part of that.
@Oz, to clarify, are you asking if you are an arse because you have trouble feeling empathy for people who are distraught over the drama in their lives after finding out the source of their problems is trivial?
First off, you are not an arsehole.
I felt a similar sentiment recently as I was reading the book Beautiful Boy by David Scheff. He shared the story of his life and how his son, Nic, fell into meth addiction even though he sent his son to an amazing private school, lived in an affluent neighborhood, dined on the best foods, and was surrounded by great opportunities. Throughout the book, I had a difficult time sympathizing with his son's early childhood filled with privilege that sent him down a dark spiral.
Of course, everything was on the surface, perhaps Nic fell into addiction because his father was filling the void from his parents' divorce with too many material things and not enough love.
Victim narratives are only one side of a story and there are two sides to every picture. There could be a much darker past lurking under the details you have heard about an individual that causes them to become a master manipilator or gas lighter or that their life is so difficult because they were not given the same opportunities as everyone else.
I think @bravo1102 described it perfectly when he compared depression to treading water. In my late twenties, I had my own experience with the noonday demon that left me feeling like I had cement blocks tied to my feet and I had to swim extra harder in order to reach the surface. @KimLuster said something I also agree with–introspection that leads to dark thoughts emerge once our basic human needs of food, water, shelter, and clothing are met. I have learned that the reason for my own depressed feelings are caused by too much free time, lack of employment, feelings of worthlessness, and an unclear sense of purpose. I found that having a job (ANY job) solved many of my underlying problems.
The beauty of growing older is that I can sense when a downturn in emotions is about to happen and I can call on the support network of my friends before they happen. I have nurtured friendships with my closest friends for over two decades and it helps me deal better with life woes.
Depression and individual personality are two interwoven spectrums that can give you just about every combo under the sun. Me, I’m pretty sure I’m a highly-functioning, moderately bipolar individual. I’ve had two bouts where I was ‘officially’ diagnosed by a shrink as depressed. At those two points, I had to make some significant life shifts to get beyond where I was. I feel I was lucky that I could do it.
Growing up, I was mocked by my entire family for being “moody“. I responded with anger. For years I was an angry person because that was my coping mechanism. Over the years, friends, supervisors, etc. told me that I was too angry. And then a crisis occurred and I saw that they were right. I worked on my anger and I think I’m pretty much over it. But sadness took its place, and sadness is tougher because no one knows to back off like they do with anger. I’m not depressed; I can tell them to back off. But during a depression all bets are off.
I’ve also been the type of person who could get a manicure and within an hour ruin it by changing a flat tire and react, ‘Woe is me.’ Definitely a whiner move. I chalk that up to wanting a little attention, or maybe trying to find a commonality with someone because, absolutely, yes, everybody understands the bad day scenario.
The thing with a real depression is (a) not liking yourself, for whatever real or imagined reason/s. If someone is raised by others who make no attempt to instill self-esteem and then that someone also feels that he/she has no role in the lives of others, any biological proclination towards depression is going to be monumentally tough to overcome. All the time–until he/she finds some kind of support. Or they don't overcome.
And then there’s (b) experiencing No Hope. Ho Hope is the biggie, imo. ‘What’s the point? Nothing will change.’ You don’t have to have a “bad life” for that. Look at Robin Williams. Richard Cory. I still think of Robin Williams. He did what I believe can often relieve a lot of funk before it becomes hardcore depression: He looked for ways to help others. He found commonalities and made others laugh. Looking to interact with others in a positive way can be good medicine.
But when a highly intelligent person can look at the world and not see it’s sweetness but only its iniquities, its pain, its seemingly lack of progress, the hopelessness is only going to scream more loudly until it deadens every experience, past, present, and future. This does support the theory that evolved intelligence and cultural expectations can exacerbate depression, especially when intelligent people are generally attracted to and are therefore more likely to procreate with an intelligent person, compounding the genetic possibility of depression for ensuing generations.
An intelligent person is usually better equipped to hide what they want to hide, and many do successfully hide depression because the stigma is harsh and the usual responses are inadequate, or even harmful. Most of us do not know what to say or do and try to lighten the mood. It’s not a mood; it’s a disease.
So, in casual settings, we usually don’t know that someone could be dangerously ill. We don’t know if this is a whiner, or someone who has been consuming the black smoke of depression and no longer knows how to connect with others.
Ozone, I don’t think you’re an asshole. But I suspect that it may be difficult for you to understand a situation if you haven’t experienced it yourself first hand —- probably because you Have experienced so much. I can’t say this with any certainty, but I am fairly certain there are many who just aren’t as tough as you, who can’t stiff-upper-lip it and muscle through. It’s all individual.
Ozone, I'd say you're not an arsehole, but mainly because you're questioning it. Their issues may well be clinical depression and the things you find pathetic about them obviously mean a lot to them. So maybe you're a bit of a dick for judging but that's human nature.😂😂😂
Not everyone has a support network, not everyone feels they can turn to people or are emotionally intelligent enough to deal with things. That said, it's not your problem and if people like that get to you then you're not the person to help them. It's easy to get into the victim narrative, I was there myself a while back. Spent so long trying to sort things out and failing and helping other's but not having anyone see I was struggling or offer help. I didn't ask for help because I have always been a protector and never occurred to me I couldn't handle my own shit.
I'm part of a facebook support group and so many of the people on there are their own worst enemies, like I was for a bit.
@Oz: You're right that a lot of human evolutionary development and dominance is largely due to our super-brains, but we weren't always the physical wimps we are now. It's been eons now but at one time Homo-(insert sub category) was much more physically robust. Few animals could match us when it came to long distance running and driving prey to exhaustion (our ability to profusely sweat helps there too). Yes, we were still very intelligent, and that still was the trait that made us succeed so well as a species, but all that really isn't the point… There was a time when life was very much a struggle for us just like all the other creatures, and to spend time and energy being upset over the things that bother us these days could mean your life (ie. the end of it)
All that old brainware is still there, buried deep!
But I'd say you're totally right in that our brain's growing complexity as certainly exacerbated everything. It's like we got too intelligent too fast, and really don't know fully how to handle the swirling storm of imaginings, fears, worries… We don't even know how to handle our own biological urges, putting all kinds of spins, taboos on everything!
When I got up this morning, I thought I was haunted by the poltergeist. The bar stools were all bunched up. A dining chair was under the bar and another was in the kitchen. A folding chair was on other end of the table. And, the high chair was blocking the back door. Then I realized little Kristopher was pushing the chairs around last night before bed.
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