Thread "How will this kill me?" in forum "MAFIA... and other forum games"

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 8, 2006

you get your brand new webcam and you are like….man this is hot. You get a message from a sexy person wanting to chat. You can't wait since their name is hotbaby69. So you bring up the image of the other person to talk and BAM it is Volte in his underwear and he is not clean (sorry volte…all in good fun right?) You FREAK out falling back in your chair and cracking your head open….dead

object: happy goldfish crackers

Posted at 7:06PM, Jun. 9, 2006

You are somehow allergic to happiness. When ingesting a goldfish, the smile of it causes you throat to swell up, cutting off your breathing and killing you.

Next Object:

Popups.

Posted at 7:06AM, Jun. 11, 2006

You choke on your on fluids after ejaculating a lot of stuff.

Object: A blade of grass.

Posted at 2:06PM, Jun. 13, 2006

you are eating soup with a plastic spoon and suddenly it gets stuck in your throat. so you give yourself the hiemlich and the spoon flys across the room and smashes a window. while you're cleaning up the glass a meteor flys down and smashes right through your ass. you have to go to the hospital (thankfully it's two blocks away) and after weeks of intensive care and surgery, you are healthy as a horse.

then, as you're walking out of the hospital a plastic spoon that someone fifty miles away dislodged from their throat hits you in the head and kills you.

object: DrunkDucks server.

Posted at 9:06AM, Jun. 14, 2006

"Gravity is fun!"

Three ton'd

Object: Ice cream

Posted at 1:06PM, Jun. 14, 2006

It gives you such a severe AND LASTING pain in your forehead, right between you eyes, that in despair you perform a frontal lobotomy on yourself with an icepick.

…the pick wasn't sterilised and you contract meningitis. This causes you even more excruciating pain, and then kills you…

Object:
30mm Bushmaster chain driven autocannon.

Posted at 1:06PM, Jun. 14, 2006

While attempting to mount a brand new 30mm (you were considering a the 40mm version but in the end you decided that the ability of the 30mm version to defeat light armored targets was sufficent for your needs) bushmaster Automatic cannon to the roof of your mini cooper you are interupted by the police, a uniformed police officer walks over to you and asks if you have a permit for that, you reply "of course officer, I'll just go and get it) but as you step off the roof of your tiny car the bushmaster (which isnt properly secured) falls off the roof of your car and onto you crushing your right thigh. The police officer calls and ambulance but unfortunatley you bleed to death at the scene.

Objekt: saturn

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 16, 2006

The abandoned upper stage of a Saturn 5 rocket peacefully orbits the globe in the deathly quiet dark of space… But what's this? A small asteroid fragment diverted towards the Earth as the result of a collision, all the way out in the distant Oort cloud, strikes the stage at such a vector as to cause its orbit to rapidly deteriorate…

You're sitting at home, quietly watching TV when you hear a roaring howl outside your house… The Saturn rocket stage, reduced by friction with the atmosphere to an 60kg lump of molten steel, rips through the roof of your house, plummets through the ceiling and crushes you so flat they'll need a paint scraper to get you out of the crater.

–
Object:
A double edged sword.

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 16, 2006

The Sword has no handle, but in your infinate stupidity you still attempt to pick it up, upon picking up said large bladed object you notice that you have severly injured both of your hands somehow, you are so shocked you drop the sword which inbeds itself in your groin, you fall over in agony and bleed to dead, But its okay because you deserved it for eing so utterly dense.

Objket: Electronic Arts.

Posted at 2:06PM, Jun. 16, 2006

You play all the EA games Harry Potter series and think you canfly so you jump out of the window on a convieneant broom. you fly for a while then get churned up in a planes engine.

New object: A sexy lady.

Posted at 1:06AM, Jun. 19, 2006

You're sitting at home at your computer desk writing a post on a forum, when suddenly you piss someone off online. That person develops a deep-seethed grudge against you and vows to take your life, one way, or the other. Eventually that same person invents a machine that stabs people over the internet. The next time you go to your desk, your computer shatters the desk and you are stabbed by millions of shards of wood.

Object: a one-dollar bill.

Posted at 10:06PM, Jun. 20, 2006

You foolishly tell a bum you have this dollar bill, who then steals it from you.
As you shamefully walk home… you look sad, you go to sleep, wake up, live another day, go home sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep…then one day out of the corner of your eye you spy a one dollat bill sitting on the ground, you bend down to pick it up, and you pull a muscel. you limp home ifnoring the pain and go to sleep, as you sleep the muscle that was pulled ( located above your leg infact) swells. Blood stops flowing you suffer a heart attack and die.

by the way that heart attack was due to the Big mac you bought early that day with a one dollar bill from the dollar menu.

Object: Car fender on the side of the road.

Posted at 10:06PM, Jun. 20, 2006

You're walking along with an Australian friend and you point out the fender.
He say's: "Strewth mate! That's not a fender you bloody Drongo, that's a Bumper! Don't you know anything? Fuck me dead!"
And with that, he picks up the "bumper" and rams it through your stomach.
———–

Object: The Battleship U.S.S. Texas.

Posted at 12:06PM, Jun. 21, 2006

You give the captain the finger.

He blows you up. using the aresonal on his ship.

Object: Myxomatosis' toaster

Posted at 4:06PM, Jun. 21, 2006

Ozone dosent own underpants the paradox fries your brain.

Object: Three gallons of military grade lubricant.

Posted at 8:06PM, Jun. 21, 2006

Ozone does have three gallons of military grade lubericant. Your brain fries.

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 22, 2006

It snaps, and the hooker goes on a violent rage.

A refrigerator.

Posted at 4:06AM, Jun. 25, 2006

You see a feather boa and then a car of gangbangers drive-by your arse

Object: My sunglasses

Posted at 6:06AM, Jun. 25, 2006

You put on the sunglasses. Oh, it's very dark with this on, I don't know where I'm going…

Ker-Shark'D

Object: :D

Posted at 1:06AM, Jun. 28, 2006

Out of curiosity, you poke the :D 's teeth. It bites your finger off, and you bleed to death.

Object: Banana phone.

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2006

While talking with friends you bring up the subject of banana phone, one of your friends brains you with a lead pipe for being unorigional.

Object: A Sega megadrive.

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 29, 2006

After reading the story of Jesus resurecting somebody, you go to a graveyard and attempt to do the same. After hours of mediataion several zombies crawl out of the ground and maul you to death

Object: empty soda bottle

Posted at 4:06PM, Jun. 29, 2006

You nearly die from anger at the way that Ebaums world has stolen your newest and funniest flash animation in the universe and while looking at the site, being that angry, lightning flashes your monitor explodes and you die of a heart attack.

Object: Cthulhu plushie

Posted at 8:07AM, Jul. 4, 2006

The Cthulhu Plushie comes to life and sticks it tentacles down your throat, then it pulls out your Large Intestine and chokes you to death with it.

Object: An Icecube

Posted at 3:07PM, Jul. 5, 2006

you're slurping on the ice cube when it slips down your throat. you choke on it and die before it melts.

object: a sprite comic