As the heavily bleeding Kroatz tried to decide whether to get up and go to a doctor's office or stay face down on the ground and bleed some more he noticed the crimminol that kept insisting to call him Tom walking by, paying no attention to the bleeding pile of bat in the corner.
Meanwhile PIT_FACE made her way to Duckham City Central using her Awesome Fire Powers.
Kroatz Bled some more and passed out.
Ayesinback had almost reached the secret bathroom elevator when suddenly she saw a glimpse of her favorite yellow pillowcase flopping just outside her window. After only seconds of thought she concluded that the pillowcase was more important than guys falling in Batman suits and jumped through the window in a dramatic fashion, grabbing hold of the ladder outside of her window in slow motion.
Bugs and rodents had begun to slowly make their way towards the injured guy lying in the street. Even though the prospect of eating him and spreading germs was very appealing they were hesitant because he WAS wearing a BATMAN suit.
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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
WHAT' HAPPENED WHILE I WAS AWAY? -new DD Quackcast community Soap! Feel free to join in ^_^
Ayesinback swung heroically back into her window looking every inch the Empress of all the Radio Plays she was. Unpon landing she adjusted her tiara. "So glad to have gotten it back, and Niccea took such good care of it." One ear perked up as it heard the siren of an approaching emergency vehicle.
Pit-face slammed on the brakes upon noticing the bleeding lump in a batman suit. She sprang into action doing all those great and wonderous things that Emergency Medical Technitions do to save the lives of would-be Darwin Award winners who like to lurk on rooftops in bat-suits. Bones wer set and injuries dressed as Pit-face smiled to herself over just how big of an idiot this guy was. It was obvious he had missed the ladder above on the roof and had thought to jump to the other roof. This must have been the sixth time in the past two weeks.
All Kroatz could think to do was moan in pain. He was in so much pain all he could think about was how much pain he was in.
Bravo wiggled out of his camouflage snuggie and took the DVD out of the drive. "Scrooge, Albert Finney, really good" He crawled back into the snuggie and brought out a small silver tesseract. The Flux oscellator interceptor capacitor, the secret of time travel. Now he just had to find a way to build the rest of the time machine so he could go back and win the love of Skoolmonkee, stop his evil twin and stop so much pain from occuring.
Kroatz moaned in pain as the gurney was wheeled into the hospital. Every soap needs a hospital. And as crap through a goose these are the days of the duck…
Bravo zipped through the swirly, shining, glowing liquid metal vortex of hyper accelerated backwards time, with the classic Dr Who music blaring in the background-
Dun-d-dun-dun-d-dun-d-dun-weeee-wooooo-weeee-whooo-whoooweeeeeeeeee…
Emerging from his blue police box, he plonked a broad brimmed brown felt hat on his curly locks, swept back his burgundy frock coat, and looped a long scarf several times around his neck.
"Hang on! This doesn't look like Skoolmunkee's boudoir! Where are the satin cushions? The sunken jacuzzi? the overly ornamented bamboo furniture? Her enormous shirtless eunuchs with their ostrich feather fans?"
Instead he was greeted with the sight of a cloudy overcast sky, dull green heathland, and a huge, rambling grey stone castle silhouetted broodingly on the crest of a low hill.
"Well, I think I'll head up there and see what's what!"
Suddenly, a blare of trumpets cut the silence, followed by the sound of thundering hooves…
A knight in shining plate armour riding a huge white warhorse cantered up to him, followed by severely brightly garbed people on smaller horses, carrying trumpets and big green banners bearing the symbol of a duck and three cups.
The knight reined up next to Bravo, and took of the gleaming steel helmet to reveal a mass of long sweaty blonde hair.
Her cold blue eyes locked on to Bravo in confused recognition.
"Do I know you, comically dressed knave? Your bearded visage stirs a memory… and yet I cannot quite place it…"
"Hallo Pit Face! Fancy meeting you here. What's with the getup and the silly act? You great yellow-haired narna!"
Incensed at this impertinent familiarity, one of her retainers, a huge orange cat in heavy armour, spurred forward and struck Bravo across the face with the flat of his sword.
"This is the Holy Pit D'Arc! Show some respect. She talks to angels you know!"
It was then that Bravo recognised a silver communicator device attached to the side of Pit's neck, it was a kind only used by one people… The Cybermen!
Pit's eyes went unfocussed for a second while she seemed to be listening to something.
"Bring him to the castle!" She said in mechanically flat voice.
As the brightly coloured retinue of oddballs trussed him to the back of a stinking donkey, Bravo thought to himself that he had quite a mystery to solve!"
Meanwhile in General Duck hospital…
Dr. Product placement steard down at the broken body of Kroatz lying on the operating table. "We can rebuild him, we have the technology and the skill" he monologued at a wall. "What I lack is the funding and/or motivation." He spat as he turned to storm out of the room, just as nurse Rokulily burst thru the door!
"Oh Product placement someone stolen your car with poor spelling! again." She wimped in an unnaturally cute voice.
"WHAT THAT HAS TO BE THE 3RD TIME THIS MONTH!!!! This criminal retard must be stopped!" Product Shouted as he turned on his left foot. Storming over to Kroatz and pulling on a new pear of rubber gloves. "As I was saying, We can rebuild him, we have the technology, the skill and now the motivation… the funding I'll just bill you later."
Bravo offered a bag of gummy candy to the orange feline in armor riding next to him. He was surprised when it wasn't the feline who answered him but the donkey.
"Hey don't mind if I do. Yumm-ee" said the donkey in an oddly familar streetwise voice.
Bravo didn't care much for jelly babies so he let the donkey finish them. He took the bag away and said in a mock Scottish brogue "Tha's enough Don-ke"
"Hey you know the big green guy too?"
Bravo did a double take. Just what had his time traveling gotten him into?
Genejoke wrote:No no, that wasn't the medical degree. That was a certificate in anesthesiology. In order to get the medical degree, you had to send in 15 proofs of purchase and a check for $8.
They did, but what they really got was product placement and his medical degree that came in a box of golden grahams.
Product Placement sent in 20 proofs of purchase and a check for $12. Not only did he get the degree, but now he's board certified too.
Realising that she soon is going to run out of ouzo, Tantz gets out of the tank, hefting her trusty old, extremely rare and extremely deadly EPK Machine Gun http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EPK_(Pyrkal)_Machine_gun just in case she runs into any annoyances or BATTLE GOATS.
She decides that Dr. Product Placement's advice to wait Pit-Face's amnestitis out was not correct, since Pit-Face doesn't look to have snapped out of it to meet her at their designated rendez vous, where they were supposed to regroup for the resistance against the evil Ironscarf and destroy the time travelling machine before everyone ended up meeting up their mothers and ran over their grandparents or something.
Tantz grumbles to herself. "Who knows where she might have gone to… and I have lost my comm link to her too in the whole BATTLE GOAT fray…"
But determined to complete the mission AND find Pit-Face (mostly because she had the rest of the ouzo on her), she makes way along where the BATTLE GOATS are going, figuring there is going to be some sort of shed that way. And surely enough, a city appears in the horizon.
"Well what do you know? It has to be Duckam City…"
She gets out her communicator and tries to get Bravo to respond. "Where the hell is everyone?"
Krimminal master mind of bad speling Call Me TOM stroled down the neer empty steets of Duckam sity. Whilst adjusting his bolwer hat to a jurnty angle he pulled the mestorus blinky device he had taken from Ironscarf's not very secreat hideout.
"What the bloody hell is a battle goat?" He louldy monologed. "And nore imporntly where is every one?"
—————————————–
In the middle of the desert Ozoneocean put down the 500000000000 page giant mecka manual. "I have less idea what I'm doing now then when I begun!" He raged!
P.s. Rokuliy that comic is fantastic!
bravo1102 wrote:Seventy2 shook his head in disgust as he waved the pages under rokulily and Callmetom's noses. He took the last of the seaweed out of his hair and flicked it at plymayer. Plymayer had rescued Seventy2 from the trunk at the bottom of the Marianas Trench he had been trapped in by Ironscarf. Plymayer was a submariner and had been searching for Seventy2 because he held the secret to the dreaded BATTLEGOAT.
each and every goat, having eaten all the Magic Boob Trees suddenly stop in mid chew, and their eyes turn red. A hatch opens in their back and the sign about paying the debt drops away replaced by a 7.62 mm minigun. Unbeknownst to … nearly everyone else except seventy-two who is powerless to do anything stuck as he is in a trunk in the Marianas Trench and Ayesinback who is trying desperately to escape Roikilly's dungeon with Banes, Ironscarf had secretly converted each and every one of the cute fluffy goats in the Dreaded BATTLE GOAT.
"It's simple, when no one adds anything to the story for a bit the last plot complication just fades away by itself." Tantz Aerine said stepping out from behind the "Welcum ot Muckam Seety" "Hospital>"
Rokulily looked at the sign and then at Callmetom. "Change the sign back." She turned to the beautiful Greek patriot. "How do you know this?"
Tantz Aerine struck a heroic pose throwing the empty Ouzo bottle over her shoulder and into Seventy2's waiting arms. He turned it over in disgust realizing it wsa empty. Plymayer reached into his blistering barnacles sea bag and pulled out a few bottles and handed them to Seventy2 and Tantz.
Tantz gestrued to wait as she opened the bottle and took a long swig. "Bravo told me." She gasped wiping her mouth with her long linen sleeve.
"Where's Bravo?"
"In an alternate universe where Pit_face is the tool of an evil overlord and tabby cats wear plate armor"
"Nah, that's just sixth floor."
Rokulily, Tantz, Callmetom, all turned around to see a very tall Icelander in scrubs. "I'm Dr. Product Placement. Duckam General Hospital like a lot of older buildings has gates to alternate dimensions. Once she mentioned the tabby cat I knew she was refering to the former janitor of the sixth floor Harkovast. He was sucked into an alternate dimension along with the rest of the sixth floor a couple of months ago."
On the sixth floor Bravo sighed in contentment. He closed his communicator (an Apple iALL) Now things were beginning to fall together.
"Of course since no one else is writing anything, this could become all Bravo, all the time and the Master will not allow that to happen." The knight who was Pit D'arc said in a monotone.
"Riiiight, now we have the Master." Bravo mused as he adjusted his scarf. It was only half the length of Tom Baker's but had been lovingly knitted by Bravo's grandmother. Harkovast's mouth dropped open as a very large man walked up and pounded him on the head.
"I may not be green but I can be quite an ogre when I want," the large man said in an English accent. "I'm Genejoke, but you probably already knew that."
"And this is a rescue?" Genejoke nodded at Bravo's question.
"I was just throwing my voice into the donkey to flip you out."
"Well that's a load off of my mind." Bravo replied adjusting his scarf yet again.
From her posh penthouse apartment Ayesinback stared at the large pile of hats with her telescope. "Such lovely hats!" She purred. Shifting her view to look at Rokuliy getting caught in Seventy2's plan to rescue Bravo. "Oh! It looks like they have been left unguarded!"
Clapping her hands she summoned her ever faithful savant the unnecessarily loud ninja Banes. "Come now we have some hats to steal!"
(Some other people had better start posting on this thing Bravo seems to get pissed when I do!)
Call Me Tom wrote:Only for comic effect.
(Some other people had better start posting on this thing Bravo seems to get pissed when I do!)
"Now that everything is about hats, time for me to swing into action!" said Oz as he adjusted an absurdly high pile of hats on his head. Oz is normally a person of average height, but his pile of hats made him taller than Dennis Rodman.
"Just don't make the same mistake that poor guy in the Batman outfit made about swinging" Skoolmonkee said as she adjusted the i-Viewmaster to look once more at the pocket universe on the sixth floor.
Tantz adjusted her fez and looked at her companions, striking another heroic pose as the camera shot from the bottom up to make her tiny frame look gigantic, for the purposes of the trailer promo.
"Well what are we waiting for?" She raised the ouzo bottle like a torch of light. "This is what will release the noble Pit Face from the clutches of the master that has her as a tool! Just a whiff of the stuff and I'll need to beat her off before she drinks it all. She'll come to her senses then!"
Rokulily was ambivalent. "Isn't it a better investment if we just drink the booze ourselves?"
"No!" Tantz thundered. "I will not leave Pit Face in the hands of that master, not ONE of my battle mates will be left behind!"
Then she leans over and explains, "and she's the only one who knows where the rest of the booze is stashed."
"What are we waiting for?" Callmetom cried. "Our heroic duty AWAITS!"
"Right, I'm done playing around." Bravo flung off the floppy brimmed Tom Baker Doctor Who hat and plunked a beat up Brooklyn Dodgers hat on his head. He pulled out a 45 and pointed it at Pit D'Arc. "Off the horse and hand over your sword"
Bravo handed the sword to Genejoke who looked like he knew how to use one. Bravo preferred firearms. "To the castle Pit so we can face down this one and I can be reunited with my one true wuv."
Meanwhile, eighty thousand years later, (the restoration of continuity having taken quite some time) Skoolmunkee strode forcefully into a small pub called "The Tipsy Mallard".
Ozoneocean was the sole occupant, and was gnawing on the leg of a BATTLEGOAT™ and snarfing a pint of bitter, a flagon of ale, and a brewski.
Also whiskey.
"Glumphumskhlupffff," he chewed.
Skoomunkee's eyes flashed with…rage? Inevitability?
"Ocean," she boomed.
"Whuzzat?" he gulped. "Ah, yes. Skoolmunchkin."
"So." Skool said. "We meet at last. Once again. For the last time."
Ozoneocean rose.
… and immediately sat back down. "Sorry, I thought I felt a fart coming. I'm good now." Skoolmunkee rolled her eyes at what was possibly the most uninspired joke ever written.
Far off in the distance, probably about three feet away from the pub, NickyP was leaning on a lightpost. He unwrapped a lollipop, slid it in his mouth, and pretended to light it like a cigarette. NickyP didn't actually smoke, but he always thought the image of a man smoking on a street corner in solitude was hip, in a kind of retro-noire way. He lifted the lollipop and pretended to blow smoke out of his mouth. "Hrmmm," he began, "I've spent more time narrating this story than I have being in it! I was a relevant character for like a whole eight minutes!" Having broken the fourth-wall, he scratched his chin and pondered. "It'll be tacky, but I have to write myself back into this story. The questions is; how?" He thought about it some more. "Maybe I can employ some sort of lazy plot device. Something like a pointless monologue that serves no purpose outside of exposition?"
"Nah, that'll never work."
Back at the pub, Ozone smirked. "Yeah, it's been a while I guess," as he put his drink down, "you look different though. Got a new hairstyle or something?" Skoolmunkee glared, and with a sigh, turned around to reveal Jillyfoo… who was conjoined to Skool, butt-to-butt.
"Yeah. Something like that."
From a pocket in his coat of many pockets Bravo produced a bolt cutter and removed the collar on Pit_Face's neck. Inside it said "Dr. Who and Cybermen copyright 2000 BBC. Made in China"
"It was a kid's toy." Genejoke said as he tossed it to Harkovast who was feeling ignored primarily because what red blooded man would pay attention to a large orange cat when there was a beautiful blonde in peril.
"You still must comewith me to the master's" She pointed at a castle in the distance of the pocket universe that was the sixth floor of the Duckam General Hospital.
"It's only a model", Harkovast mumbled.
"Then we shall not go there, tis a silly place." Bravo rejoined. He shifted his gaze to the small tavern with a lightpost outside. Genejoke put down his binoculars.
"You won't believe this but that's NickyP leaning against that light post"
"Yeah they're really in there." Pit_face said. "Can I have my sword back, I want to kill something."
"No, not until you've learned not to truss up guys dressed as timelords to talking donkeys."
And with that the little group started off for the Tipsy Mallard blissfully unaware of the biazare cojoined people and flatulent moderators they were about to run into. Though they were all anticipating some wonderful voiceover from NickyP.
Kroatz wrote:
Am I still lying on the table?
Maybe I should mention that Kroatz can no longer feel his legs, arms or the entire right side of his face.
oh you're just fine. skoolmunkee came along, right? if she has the power to manipulate frozen water then think what she can do with congealing blood.
- just hope you don't get an aneurism
really, an epsom salts bath and you'll feel right as rain (and, no, I don't know what that feels like)
—-
Meanwhile: Nicotene, in her official capacity as DD detective, has been gathering notes. Abt_Nihil, having recovered from the personal devastation of having missed the entire boob-astrophe by this much (oh! so teensie eensie), has been sending Nicotene daily updates, and she logs these into her massive database.
It all points to Roy Duncan.
again
and Bravo was pulled over for reckless endangerment while cruisin in the bravo bug. *itsnotatankbravo!*
Kroatz wrote: Am I still lying on the table? Maybe I should mention that Kroatz can no longer feel his legs, arms or the entire right side of his face.
Guess you've never been an emergency case in a typical emergency room. It takes forever to get looked at despite all the blood one is gushing or feeling one is losing.
Lonneheart the security guard came across the gurney shoved into the back hallway with the overweight guy in the batman suit. An aide whose scrubs somehow looked like ancient Grecian dress looked around the corner.
"Oh, that's where he went!" House of Muses said. "I'll just be taking him to X-ray"
Lonneheart nodded. He knew all the deep secrets of Duckam General Hospital and it didn't surprise him why House of muses had lost track of the patient. He glanced across the hall and saw the door to the broom closet ajar and the shadow of someone adjusting their clothing. Yep, Lonneheart the security guard missed nothing. Well he missed one thing; that no one ever dragged him into a broom closet for some nookie.
Meanwhile Bravo felt in his pocket looking for a snack that wasn't a gellatin infant. He pulled out the ticket and grimaced. "Oh well I guess I'll miss my court date for reckless endangerment, kind of hard to get to court in Duckam City when you're in a pocket alternate universe."
NickyP looked at Bravo from the lamppost he was leaning on trying to look Film Noire. "You have a working time machine."
Bravo waved his finger in the air. "YOU have a point!" He ran off as fast as he could with that scarf flapping behind him, ducked inside the TARDIS and setoff for court. Two seconds later he returned and walked up to NickyP. He now wore a loud aloha shirt, a panama hat, had a deep tan and was holding a Mai-tai. "Thanks for the tip. I also had some time left over for a vacation in Hawaii and a torrid affair in the broom closet with a Greek poetess who works in Duckam General Hospital"
But THAT was only what NickyP thought, because this wasn't Bravo. When Bravo had entered the Tardis, Gullas ambushed him with uneducated and idotic opinoins about the Blitzkrieg warfare in the second world war. Sadly to say this battle was shorter than the invasion of Denmark and Bravo was thrown into a foot locker inside of the Tardis, while Gullas assumed his looks and started to execute his own viking plans that involved NickyP. But before he could do that
NickyP said
"Hey…" as he pointed at a thing, kind like a bat but more like a plane in the air "isn't that?"
"Yes…" Gullas replied "you are right… he's back!" and he knew that this could mean the end of his plans and possibly the whole of Iceland.
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