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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
Happy 2020! General Discussion Thread
I hope the study goes well!
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I'm having relationship issues, but not really because of anything emotional in cause.
My partner drinks too much and it interacts with her ADHD medication. She becomes depressed, sad, aggressive, and accuses me of all sorts of things.
Yesterday while I was in bed she was screaming, I didn't really know what about because I had in headphones to block out the sound of her loud TV. I assumed it was at the neighbours or people outside.
I took the headphones out and asked her what was up. She shouted some semi distinct things at me and I asked her to repeat them. Next thing I know she'd come into the room and climbed up on the bed and holding a knife over me, waving it about.
I was in shock from that point on.
Lucky she left without doing anything. I got dressed, took a minimum and things and ran out of there.
She's generally a really good person but those incidents after drinking are getting worse. She always pretends they didn't happen. It's never come to holding knives though.
Unless she gets treatment or agrees to stop drinking then we can't have a relationship. Not because I don't like her but because it can't actually work. I don't want to risk being stabbed.
Wow! @ozoneocean, I'm speechless.
I've never experienced such a thing, and I can't imagine all the mixed feelings going through your head.
Thankfully, you're safe (and she's too, I hope). I hope you could find the help she needs, well in case you still want to be with her.
The worst part is that you could do anything to help the other person, but if the other person doesn't have the will to accept their problem and accept your help, maybe there's nothing much for you there.
Please don't get me wrong, I really wish both of you could be togheter.
Oz! This is so much, and so relatable at the same time. I have dated a person who liked the drink way too much, much more than I care to admit and it is a (cliché, yet appropriate) roller coaster ride of emotions.
Please, be careful and do not get stabbed! I draw the line at dangerous weapons aimed at my face. However, mixing alcohol (…and maybe more) with ADHD medication does get a bit wonky at times. I am talking from personal experience when having to witness someone I knew get into arguments with strangers on the streets and taking a lot of anger out on me while always blaming it on the alcohol.
One thing I did learn was that cutting out alcohol cold turkey is very dangerous for someone who drinks daily. There needs to be a gradual reduction of the amounts.
It is hard because you care about the person, but a different side of them comes out after a few drinks.
At least she didn't try to stab you. One of my exes attacked and I had to wrestle the knife out of her hand. But then she had bipolar disorder not ADHD.
You have to be honest with yourself and ask if you're ready for this and are you willing to do what is required. Noone will change unless they want to and you can't force someone to change nor is it within your control. How committed are you and how committed are you willing to become.
I've been there.
Eh, the relationship is probably over now, at least it's foundering really badly. Things had started to go toxic for a while I think.
It's one of those relationships where no matter how positive you try to be and how you go out of your way not to be offensive to the other person, you know there's something nasty brewing beneath the surface there and they're waiting to hate you for some small miss-heard thing, a facial expression, or tone of voice, that there's no way to apologise for.
Very toxic. :(
It's a shame, we got on well when we did, and even with the toxic stuff we could still make it work but throwing alcohol into the mix is too much. She can't handle her drink- the frontal lobe stops its fact checking and reason, all inhibition is dulled down and her mind becomes totally ruled by negative emotion and impulse. Her intelligence is completely unhampered by it though; so this isn't just the usual aggressive drunk person, she's full on Romulan XD
(ie. smart, but without the cold logic and emotional inhibition of the Vulcans)
Alcohol tends to, essentially, whittle away people's fuses. Their tempers become quick and explosive. It usually exacerbates anxiety significantly. So whatever other mental and emotional issues they may be wrestling with, alcohol just makes most all of it that much worse.
It's not a good long-term solution for anything. We joke about it, but it really only tends to make most people worse at everything, especially where they're emotionally concerned.
It's not easy to put one's foot down and say it, but not all substances are right for all people, and living with someone or even just spending extensive time with someone who is becoming increasingly toxic – largely due to that substance they overindulge in – becomes untenable. They will have to make a decision as to what means more to them and what actually helps them. But unfortunately, plenty of people will in desperation grasp for the alcohol, not the person helping them who cares about them.
But you have to decide for yourself and your own safety. Someone who has actually presented a lethal threat to you? Don't let the door hit you. Get the hell out of there!
@Oz- if you feel it is toxic at this point, there are two options:
1 - You can try to save it for the best of your ability, for what it is worth, relationships that are worth having are few and far between
or
2 - take her car on an off-road trip completely destroying the grip on the wheels and coast down several really steep mountains numerous times while overusing the brake so they overheat, then throw water all over them so they rust. This automatically guarantees the end of a relationship, and she will spend months having to work and pay off car repairs, therefore having to think about you the whole time.
hushicho wrote:Exactly.
Alcohol tends to, essentially, whittle away people's fuses. Their tempers become quick and explosive. It usually exacerbates anxiety significantly. So whatever other mental and emotional issues they may be wrestling with, alcohol just makes most all of it that much worse.
Everything you say.
kawaiidaigakusei wrote:HA! Sounds like you're talking from experience!
…take her car on an off-road trip completely destroying the grip on the wheels and coast down several really steep mountains numerous times while overusing the brake so they overheat, then throw water all over them so they rust. This automatically guarantees the end of a relationship, and she will spend months having to work and pay off car repairs, therefore having to think about you the whole time.
johnstro12 wrote:…or slowly, as in my case. My wife always "liked a drop" and in our early years, was a sexy and fun drunk. There's a large genetic component to alcoholism, with about 20% susceptible to it. Her father was.
An alcohol use disorder, however, could quickly ruin your relationship.
"Nice as pie" when he was sober, but as mean as a shithouse rat when not.
She got worse as she got older, and eventually got abusive to me, unfortunately coinciding with me becoming ill with the onset of kidney failure. She retired early, but went full-on cray with it, whereas previously she had been a "functioning alcoholic". I even had friends of hers tell me they were amazed at the things she would say to me, in their presence. Until I saw some government vids on domestic abuse on T.V., it hadn't iccurred tome that I was a victim - I guess because it crept up in me,over time.
She decided to get a "granny cabin" on my daughter and s-i-l's 'hobby farm', about 2.5 hours away. It took about 8 months before she finally moved up there, during which I was very stressed out. I thought she'd improve, being up there with our grand-daughters, but sadly not.
Eventually my daughter and hubby got her into re-hab., and she's been 'dry' for about 18 months, while I've had a few years of peace and quiet.
Her older sister and 2 younger brothers didn't become alcoholics.
My daughter certainly isn't, although my son's been a heavy drinker, but has been curbing it, lately.
Just unlucky I guess…. it's upsetting when someone says they've "wasted their life" with you, and leaves you wondering a huge "what if", about a previous 'ex-', who had wanted me back, and kept calling to find out if we'd broken up, for a couple of years !
Anyway, we've all got our 'crosses' to bear, eh ? B-)
johnstro12 wrote:Yes. It's sad…
An alcohol use disorder, however, could quickly ruin your relationship.
It puts me in a weird position too. When I see her pouring a glass of wine or vodka I just cringe… I don't want to be controlling of count her drinks but at the same time I don't think she always keeps track of it herself and the memory of what she can be like scares me.
BearinOz wrote:Yup, that happened when we were at a friends place for dinner. It was awful but it was good to have a outside party confirm this was really happening.
I even had friends of hers tell me they were amazed at the things she would say to me, in their presence.
We're still limping along in our relationship…
I'm sad for your experience man. It's very enlightening though!
————
I'm not a fan of any substance abuse. But I'm all for allowing people freedom to use anything safely.
It's just that people always think they're more fun to be around when they're drunk or drugged, but they never are.
- I mean, sure, get a light buzz on from a couple of drinks or whatever, but when you're actually impaired and not functioning normally (this includes pot), you're not interesting. You become 100% a burden to people around you and a bore at best. At worst you're dangerous and we wish you'd just go.
This bothers me about the massive pro- drug message in a lot of TV shows and movies these days. They should have the freedom to show they as long as they show the bad side too. This message of "do drugs, it's fun!", and "the drugged people are the cool ones" annoys me. It's like these idiot writers have never experienced real life.
ozoneocean wrote:Don't let it become a permanent limp.
BearinOz wrote:Yup, that happened when we were at a friends place for dinner. It was awful but it was good to have a outside party confirm this was really happening.
I even had friends of hers tell me they were amazed at the things she would say to me, in their presence.
We're still limping along in our relationship…
I'm sad for your experience man. It's very enlightening though!
————
Look after #1 - It sounds callous, and sometimes it gets too late, but if your own life becomes misery, you'll be little use to others.
On an another note - maybe I was just lucky, but only a few of my old surfing mates became a pain-in-the-arse through alcohol (and tended to become unmates and drift away) and none at all from the old Morocco Gold or Afghan Black.
I've always felt liberal and tolerant, but 'hard stuff' users who steal and hurt others have become a real societal pain and restricting access isn't the answer…and I don't have one either.
ozoneocean wrote:
It's just that people always think they're more fun to be around when they're drunk or drugged, but they never are.
- I mean, sure, get a light buzz on from a couple of drinks or whatever, but when you're actually impaired and not functioning normally (this includes pot), you're not interesting. You become 100% a burden to people around you and a bore at best. At worst you're dangerous and we wish you'd just go.
This bothers me about the massive pro- drug message in a lot of TV shows and movies these days. They should have the freedom to show they as long as they show the bad side too. This message of "do drugs, it's fun!", and "the drugged people are the cool ones" annoys me. It's like these idiot writers have never experienced real life.
Where I come from it was a massive drinking culture growing up. In our late teens we were all out getting smashed at weekends but looking back, you could already tell who was going to develop a drink problem. We had no idea of course. They were just the ones who always said/did something outrageous and had to be carried home at the end of the night. Then there were the strange older sisters or brothers who'd also be hanging around the same scene. We didn't realise they were already lost to drink and/or drugs either.
—
The UK now appears to be a mass experiment in herd immunity. The government say they are following the best advice of the scientists. When it all goes horribly wrong, they will blame the bad advice of the scientists.
The Covid-19 stuff is a bit scary now…
Of course it all all blow over and not be an issue in a few weeks or months and we'll wonder why we were even worried to begin with, but right now I think it's ok to be concerned.
I think I'd be ok if I caught it. I'm not a big robust guy though so I might struggle a bit. What I'm more worried about is my parents who are older and older friends I know.
The nasty thing about Covid-19 is that it's more infectious than the normal flu and often leads directly to viral pneumonia. That's the important thing!
Normally flu messes with your lungs, weakens your immune system and makes you susceptible to a bacterial infection in the lungs that can give you pneumonia. That's bad and can lead to fatality, but at least we can fight it with all sorts of antibiotics.
You can't fight viruses that way though. And there's no vaccine to Covid-19 yet, so once you have viral pneumonia from it there's nothing you can do except wait for your immune system to slowly weather it and clean it up.
And if your immune system is already compromised or your lungs are weak or whatever, then you better be careful :(
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